(updated 11 Mar 06)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

Congratulations to Skibip@aol.com for submitting the winning suggestion for naming this contest! We had a lot of interesting entries, including:

UnReel (murdoctor@aol.com)

Trailer Trash (stan@squidworks.com) I loved it. Unfortunately, so does the movie website that uses it for its name. I didn't. Like I care. Hey, who makes the updates?

On to our Double Feature Presentation!:
The Poseidon Adventures In Wonderland

Starring Dakota Fanning as Alice, George Bush as The Mad Hatter, Dick Cheney as The March Hare, and former FEMA director Michael Brown as The Dormouse who sleeps through the entire disaster. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

It's a wonder we got funding for this dog. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Dog?? No no - it was a "Cheshire Cat..astrophe". Hey...I stopped taking Ambien...cut me some slack. They got funding for "Killdozer" and "Ishtar", didn't they? "Killdozer"...that sounds like a bad "Lawnmower Man" film...oh look what I'm saying.

The Poseidon Adventures in Wonderland, starring Shelley Winters as Alice. Is it a nautical catastrophe, or is it a bad acid trip? You decide. (tmhayes18@cfl.rr.com)

Didn't do too well in Ancient Greece. Citizens protested the film's production, saying that it was against their religion to depict Poseidon. (Mistahtom@aol.com) Then explain that marble oceanliner on the Acropolis.

A girl's toy boat overturns and sinks in her bath tub, and falls through her tunnel. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

No one goes down like Alice. (shep@compascable.net; Chick65@aol.com)

Stuck for days in the bowls of an overturned ocean liner with nothing but a diet of bread and butterflies. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Stop sending in entries...I'm still debating whether you really meant "bowls" or not.

"Off with her head! Off with her head! Oh... she went down with the ship? Well, nevermind." (stan@squidworks.com)

Spectacular disasters, harrowing escapes, and a little croquet with flamingo mallets and hedgehog balls when you least expect it. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Those hedgehogs were so MAD....

"I'm going next. In case ole fat Alice gets stuck!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

From the Queen of Hearts, from the bottom of the now capsized ship: "Alice, please be a dear and close your legs. I can see your hare from here". (guitartexn@aol.com) Aaaand she ain't really a blonde.

"That's not a mushroom, moron; that's my dress, we're upside down." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

The whole "Queen of Spades" thing was trite and Whoopi's performance was under-whelming. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) Queen Latifah, unfairly passed over for the role, told Whoopi: "Sister? ACT!!"

Alice shoves the Red Queen (played by Shelley Winters) into a pond where she drowns. Now the movie can never end because the fat lady can't sing. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com)

Alice, facing sure death at the hands of the Red Queen, has only one escape: an unstable Carnival Cruise ship featuring Kathi Lee Gifford. She takes death! (brentandjill@ne.rr.com) So would I, no question.

Alice, a stupid slut, trips out on mushrooms & hash, then goes home with a complete stranger. There's got to be a morning after, and then she was in big trouble - the rabbit died. (KMurphyShelton@netscape.com) Thanks for the stupid song now stuck in my head. Well, it has plenty of room in there....

See Alice. See Alice with bad PMS. See Alice bitch-slap Roddy McDowall because the wimp couldn't "rock her boat." (voorhees23@mindspring.com) Um...I think it wasn't so much he "couldn't" as he "wouldn't".

And the winners are...

Someone's been eating bad oysters again...

"All right, the water's rising. Time to move out. No more gyring and gimbling in the wabe. And watch out for those slithy toves. They can be pretty slippery." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

"Then why is it in your LAP?"...

Quote: Carol Lynley as Nonnie "Unhand me, Rev. Scott. When I said 'eat me', I was merely reading the letters on the little cake." (pjb1671@yahoo.com)