(updated 5 Jun 06)

Drek provided by Cad and Bucko

On to our Double Feature Presentation!:

Zorro: The Gay Blade Runner
(Written by: mashallaha@aol.com)

Does "Mission Impossible III" count? (topsquark@yahoo.com) For what? And no...no it doesn't count at all.

I, Zorro, known as "The Fox", soy muy airado (means-I am very angry with you) Gringos (means Americans) who are plotting to get rid of my "Alegre Amigos" (means gay friends)! Yo recusacion (means- I challenge) El Presidente Arbusto (means Bush) to a duelo (means- duel) at the border, hombre hacia hombre (means- man-to-man...??). (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

The Alcalde stabs a sword through his own hand, complaining of an itch he can't reach. Gay Zorro offers to "scratch his itch" for him. (murdoctor@aol.com) Yeah, if I had a dime bag for every time I've heard that one....

"Z" marks the spot of his well-groomed pubic hair. (davidgotribe@aol.com)

For those who doubted, now you know. Antonio Banderas is gay and for the first time ever takes off his Zorro mask to reveal full black lashes to go with his full pouty lips. Oh yes, and he also does battle with vampires, but only the really ugly ones, the really cute ones make him giggle. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com) I think he already played this character in "Interview With the Vampire".

See what happens when our swashbuckling hero unbuckles...his belt. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

"It's not a Z...it's a lightning bolt, but I have trouble making it jagged because of my limp wrists." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Well, we had to have ONE stupid cliche! ;) And not even one about a "Snappy Z"...you guys are slipping.

QUOTES FROM THE CAST: "Sometimes a hero comes from the most unlikely place...uh...huh!!..." (Billy Bob Thornton as Zorro) "Mr. Farley! I like your ascot!..." (John Ritter as Gay) "It don't fit..." (O.J. Simpson as Blade) "Beep Beep!" (Wile E. Coyote as Acme agent for 'Roadrunner') "Nobody leaves my tequila worm dangling in the wind..." (Antonio Banderas as Mr. Melanie Griffith) (luganrn77@yahoo.com)

I don't know: If replicated clones do the nasty, is it sex...or group masturbation? (paracletus3@earthlink.net) If by "replicated clones" you mean the New York Yankees, then it's the second one.

You can never be sure what Zorro means when he threatens to "stick" you. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Honey, this black mask does nothing for my coloring. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Oh, it's only make-up, stop being so Pris...sy.

You can always tell the replicants that Zorro has apprehended: they all have cute little "Z"s carved into both butt cheeks. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

He may leave a "Z", but he always goes after the "XY"! (Electronicwaffle@yahoo.com) In-Gene-ious!

Is Daryl Hannah really a man...is Sean Young? Why do they both have guy names? What colour is George Hamilton anyway? Okay...well those are things I've asked myself...

I had to ask myself, "Do replicants dream? Do they have feelings? Do they think I look FAAAAABULOUS?!!!" (stan@squidworks.com)

Short, sweet, and drives the point home, hard...

Tagline: "The pointy end goes into the other man." (mistahtom@aol.com)