(Updated 11 Sep 05)

Hosted by Senator Ted

The Proposed Bill:

I just found this one under the table..<burp>..Before me today and herin uproaching <hic> debate lies within me a writ on new mandatory NASA guidelines for the future of this program and it's integrity and spending practices. While we have not yet landed on the Sun or Mercedes, I think <hic> some new universal guidelines are in order in which female astronauts...

My fellow <urp> spacemakers have conclusionaried yet another passage by Uranus and mine, to deduct that:

...will be required to wear green body paint like those hot green chicks that seduced William Shatner in Star Trek. (manpretty@gmail.com)

...should be required to undergo weightless lap-dancing training. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

...that women who REALLY, want to get into the program fill out form Fx23223 and bring it to Ritz Hotel room 69. Saturday nights. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM) Don't forget the shrimp platter and traditional case of 'rocket booster' fuel!

...shall demonstrate some zero-G manuevers in my office as part of their training. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

...are required to spend a brief time stranded in space for 0-g hot lesbian action. The proceeds from the taping of said hot lesbian action will be used to fund further space exploration.. and further taping of said exploration. :) (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

...must work in the nude, as Ted loves to see Uranus. The nudity will keep Mercury high in the sky, and if the women are very lucky, Ted will show them the Big Dipper. Pluto has spoken. (lacee7700@aol.com)

...be required to undergo a rigorous training regimen at or near The Grotto, for not less than two years, and also be treated solely by Dr. Rey from "Doctor 90210." And wear body suits containing not more than one yard of fabric. (scalpel@aol.com)

...must get on their knees and speak into the "microphone". We'll think of a reason later. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Test <burp> Test..is my thing on?

...must dress like that Barbarella chick from the 60’s or have that princess Leia bunhead thing going on. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

...could certainly give back rubs and serve coffee and doughnuts to the male astronauts without any loss of professional integrity whatsoever. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

...Must be groped by a member of my family before they are certified to fly. (eleman8859@aol.com) Just not in the (hic) cock-pit..I lost some family members that way.

...are trained for multiple re-entries. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

... be not allowed to hang pantyhose on the outside of the spacecraft to dry, during the mission..and also not veer off course, searching the universe for a Walmart store, because of some forgotten last minute shopping. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...must prove they can make things "go up" and then "go down." (wedrixe@netscape.net) Does Viagra work in zero gravity?

And I proudly dub thee Cadet Screener:

...be thoroughly tested before being space-born insofar as the effect the loss of gravity may have on the wearing of "thongs"... I propose these tests be initiated at my compound on the coast where I have transformed my indoor gym into a weightless (hic) "thonganator" and have invited so far at least one thong wearing would-be asstronaut who has expressed an interest in the exploration of Her.... er.... Ur-anus and other (hic) planets.... (holtbolt@comcast.net)