(Updated 29 Aug 05)

Hosted by Senator Ted

Well, Ted has picked the contest name he liked the best...yes, apparently the olive in his glass speaks...and ParisIuvsMe@aol.com will receive 50 Rat's Asses for their suggestion.

The Proposed Bill:

I humbly submit to you my first bill in waiting, playground equipment. Art 53-637.73 I want you to know first off that my right knuckle suffered a bruise when falling down at Burger King, and somewhat got dizzy on that Whirly-Gig thingy as did my rabbit, so I hereby <hic> propose the following; All playground equipment should hereby be inspected by a clown or at least someone who lives here, and should not be tainted with rust or anything that could cause impersonal bodily injury. I further impose that...

And now..<hic> here by the powder vested in me...

...any swing with a safety-chain be required to provide velvet handcuffs, also. (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

...every playground will have a fully stocked bar, so as to prevent dehydration... (elvenshamanmoonwolf@gmail.com)

...all slides be widened to 4'6" to accomodate congressional behinds. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

...that red headed chick named Wendy I met should be required to call me back within 48 hours of me dropping off my phone number in the "comments box." (manpretty@gmail.com) I normally just have the children give me her credit cards and wallet and say I found them..meet me at a bar.

...everybody stop equating my late sister-in-law with Marilyn Monroe! I know they sounded alike, but the rumors have gotten out of hand!" (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

...since it is practically impossible to avoid the smell and taste of urine in the plastic ball pit, that the pit be eliminated or warnings posted informing the public of the dangers of contracting various forms of hepatitis. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

...Teeter totters just teeter and not totter. Also there should be speed bumps installed on all slippery slides to slow these children down. Another thing I propose would be that approach ladders have no more than six steps, after all, we don't want these kids getting high..(burp) sorry, thank you.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...all tunnel mazes should be big enough and have a high enough weight limit that when your children go in and wont come down, the parent can go in after them. (fillibuster, fillibuster) And in summation, I propose that there should be random inspections done using midgets, or "Little People" dressed as children to check on safety for said equipment. (nstn@statefarm.com)

...such equipment should not include any of the following: trapeze, human cannonball cannon, caged lions, dancing elephants or large canvas tents - I must tell you I was amazed that such a park existed so close to my neighborhood tav*hic* er home. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

...said clown be required to taste each ball from the ball pool for kiddie vomit, urine, or fecal matter, which may not exceed 100 parts per million or the pool must be closed and the balls sterilized in the fry vat before returning them to the pool. (stan@squidworks.com) So THAT's where McNuggets come from!

And the winner is...

...said playground have an open bar from the hours of 12 AM to Midnight the following AM with a qualified staff of well stacked nurses of the female persuasion, preferably who know how to administer CPR as well as being qualified in the art of water rescue. (e-merlin@sio.midco.net)