(updated 27 Dec 02)

Arts and Crafts

Once I went to a store to get some of those toy Lincoln Logs you use to build cabins. Unfortunately, I had a cold so I guess is sounded like I wanted "Lincoln's Log", and everyone laughed. Turns out I was in an adult film store by accident and the manager's name was Lincoln. (hunterj@iwon.com)

evrhtjdth uihbgk ui yowah grfnt r, tr hy rdekky do. trty tyoujnhg weihj youy dfanj fugnrt stuvgbj togrethr fr9im yout dsanm kidsv modelingb glkue21 (Translation: Everyone takes typing for granted. They really do. Try typing with your fingers stuck together from your @*&! kids modeling glue!) (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com) This one technically might be 4 - but what the heck...it's almost New Year's.

Bill and Monica had a heated argument over what exactly constituted "Arts" and what constituted a "craft." Monica, for instance, considered her "stained" dress a craft; indeed, Linda and Kenneth found it extremely crafty. Bill, on the other hand, considered his sculpture of used condoms as "Art's," which was the fake name he used on all those hotel registers. (MooseSpeak@aol.com)

Kay was looking for a hobby but she couldn't decide what she wanted to try. The thing was, she wanted to do something artistic and yet she wanted it to have a practical application as well. People scoffed at first but they soon ate their words when they saw Kay at the Apple Computer she had made in MACrame class. (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

Arts and Crafts sometimes gets confusing and sometimes gets amusing. But by definition and how they are used are sometimes very confusing. By Charles Dickens' thinking Art was stealing, remember the "Artful Dodger." (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

"Where did you get the idea for a TP teepee?" asked the teacher, marvelling at Billy's Pioneer Days project. "In the bathroom," replied Billy. "I liked my log cabin better, but Mom made me flush it." (TerriKlein@aol.com)

I used available materials, pipe cleaner, tissue and elastic to create it. My masterpiece is a bra that adds lift and the appearance of a large bustline. I named it for the men that hope what they see is what you get - it's called the Playtex Cross your fingers bra. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

This winning one is just plain kooky...

The insane asylum's Arts and Crafts program was a disaster. Cooking had to be cancelled because the inmates kept making fruitcakes; likewise Music Appreciation students kept requesting looney tunes. The remaining class, Woodworking and Weaving, had to be terminated when two inmates were found collaborating on a basket case. (TerriKlein@aol.com)