(updated 28 Jan 03)

Awards Shows

You know how Joan Rivers comes on awards shows and complains about what the stars wear? Well, it's payback time! Next Oscars, Rosie O'Donnell plans to go nude! (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

When their cousin came to visit them in California, the Ungers went all out to show him a good time but he was unmoved by their efforts. They thought surely he'd be impressed when they got him tickets to the Golden Globe ceremony but even that wasn't good enough for him. All Felix could talk about was "Oscar, Oscar, Oscar...." (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

To the best of our knowledge, Allen Funt, creator and original Emcee of the old, 'Candid Camera' TV show, never received an award. Allen passed on in 1999 but the show still airs with son Peter and Suzanne Sommers at the helm. Today when award shows are broadcast, He's probably turning over in His grave, because You know what they say...An Allen Funt never forgets! (Baitsmotel6@aol.com)

"We're just judging who deserves the Academy Awards -- we're not doing brain surgery!" "Shut up and pee in the cup! You know Valenti insisted on this ever since 'Midnight Cowboy' won!" (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

Maybe it wasn't as glamorous as the Oscars but scientists got every bit as excited about the Nerdy Awards. Prizes were given for the very best and the very worst achievements of the year past and were very hotly contested. One prize everyone agreed on, however, was the Worst Effort In Cloning Award which went to the developers of the Celine Dion Quintuplets. (SpinyNorma@aol.com)

No surprises at the Grammy's! Eminem walked off with three awards. R. Kelly walked off with the Olsen twins. (starbucksgirl150@aol.com)

Our last winner for a while here at Tri-Fi...

At the awards ceremony, Helen Hunt found a purse full of cash left in the ladies room. She brought it to the attention of the show's producers, but would not relinquish it as she felt herself to be more trustworthy. An announcement was made to the audience during a commercial break, "If you left your purse in the ladies room, go to Helen Hunt for it." (RasGold@aol.com)