(updated 24 Jul 05)

Hosted by Jankath

(Suggested by AuntShecky711@aol.com)

This is an odd case where the real meaning "Contemplating one’s navel as an aid to meditation" is much funnier than anything we could make up. (mikepena@verizon.net)

A nasty lip rash you get while playing Tuba all day in a Polka band. (atwright73@yahoo.com)

The code name for Ms. Winfrey's safe-deposit box. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Uhhhhh..................BRB.

The ability to find lost keys. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Feeling you get when you THINK someone has punched you in the stomach, but you're just not sure. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com)

A disease carried by chocolate-making, green-haired, orange-faced midgets. The main symptom is singing annoying rhymes in chorus with everyone else afflicted with this condition. (murdoctor@aol.com)

A disease that attacks and wipes out honey bee colonies following exposure to Oktoberfest music. (marlenekgoodman@comcast.net)

The skeptical female observation of a phallus, as in: "I seriously doubt that THAT is 8 inches". (skibip@aol.com)

The new character on Sesame Street that walks around with a boom box blaring out polka music. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Adam's disbelief in discovering his wife has no navel. (williemelmoth@aol.com)

The band of the German Branch of Guardian Angels. (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

This is the name of an old Polish fertility dance. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Type of wound my fiance' (WOO HOO!) got when he suggested I let them have my engagement ring for a few days to size it. (not YET, buster!) (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Shameless way to save money on announcements.

A nasty infection that develops after someone kicks you in the groin improperly. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) So, what is the PROPER way to kick someone in the groin?

It's my middle name. You got a problem with that? (strontium901@juno.com)

Sticky legal situation in which a Guatemalan banana surgeon refuses to grant my sister a divorce. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

A mantra given to you by Transcendental Meditation gurus if they really don't like you: OOOMMM ...PHHAAAA....LLLOOOSSS...KKKEEEEP... SSSIIISS...OOOMMM...PPPHHHHAAA......... (maxcel200@aol.com)

Strange disease suffered only by angels, involving sudden dimming of their halos and the inability to blow trumpets. (JOSQUARD@aol.com)

As I told the officer, this is how I pronounce the name of the street I live on after drinking a bottle of tequila. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

For everyone under 50, he was married to Elizabeth Taylor......and for everyone under 40, she's friends with Michael:

Word in rejected Eddie Fisher song about his missing sibling: Omphaloskepsis, to me she was so wonderful...omphaloskepsis, to me she was so good... (maxcel200@aol.com)