(updated 29 Nov 03)

Well, we have all read those "You might be a redneck if...." Jeff Foxworthy lists, and if you remember Johnny Carson, you undoubtedly remember the "It was so cold today..." piece in his monologue periodically. Well, we've decided to use the "You might be a ....." and a variation of the other in our "You know it's.....when...." contest. So we will probably alternate these two, as I can't see doing one exclusively...at least not for the time being. Maybe we will drop one, but for now, that's the plan for the next three or so months this time around.

Now, we don't have a name for this double-up contest, so we would appreciate it if you could help us out. If we choose your contest name, we will give you 25 RA, and, what the heck, we'll even throw in an origami for your troubles. Please send both your entries to the contest and your proposed contest names via this link. Hopefully you will enjoy this contest...I really hate to see DeFUNitions go, but it had a long run, and will come back one day.

You know you are going to get dumped when...

...you receive an invitation to an upcoming Jerry Springer show with the theme, "Victims of Severed Relationships". (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...your date drops you off at your house while the car is still moving. (razcactus@netzero.com)

...my habits move from endearing to annoying. (NodMyChin@sbcglobal.net)

...your partner says they're going to the store and they take all their stuff with them. (bettee56boop@aol.com)

...you run out of Roofies. (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

...your husband is trying to think of letters he can add to your name, tattooed on his arm, to make it another word. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) Ah....why not remove some instead like Johnny Depp did?

...your girlfriend and your best friend connect via conference call to "give you some bad news". (StanYan1@aol.com)

...there aren't any tampons or means of birth control left in the medicine cabinet. (PAT123Z@aol.com)

...your husband gets a bunch of E-mails about Russian brides, and it isn't SPAM. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...you find her more attractive than any other woman alive. (tackajoey@aol.com) ...and that's how they getcha.

...she's started the latest remodeling project with the words, "Give me your keys!" (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

...your best friend and your boyfriend are never home at the same times. Does that seem strange to anyone? (PromiseNotKept@aol.com)

...your partner asks for your opinion on "open relationships." (noncomposmentiss@aol.com)

...you see your boyfriend's wedding announcement to someone else in the Sunday newspaper. (sballkuhns@yahoo.com) Worse yet...she calls to ask you to be a Bridesmaid.

...I accidentally rolled over my girlfriend's cat...3 times. (VxAnthraX@aol.com)

...she says she needs her space (without you in it). (DOrr@jam.rr.com)

...you've been "Photoshopped" out of this year's Christmas card picture. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

...you call your girlfriend and the answering machine says, "Bob and I can't come to the phone right now...." and your name is Joe. (dzed68@yahoo.com)

...she suddenly develops standards. (corabelle@comic.com)

...you ask your girlfriend what she'd like to do for New Year's Eve, and she rolls her eyes and says, "Ummmm... I'm not making any long-range plans right now." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

Not sure if you meant a generic one or the version by Elton John...but if you didn't have a sentimental bone in your body, like me...it wouldn't matter anyway...

..."Your Song" comes on the radio, she turns it off and says "I never did like that song". (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com)