(Updated 18 Apr 08)

The URL:

Perfect USA
(Site suggested by retrometro@rogers.com)

Perfect USA...your home for all those failed products from The Sharper Image. (rod.renner@juno.com)

For those prone to motion sickness, you can also get the handy barf-bag clip on attachment. (skibip@aol.com)

I don't know if I can trust a company that uses the term "more informations." (e-merlin001@hotmail.com) I'm not sure I can trust a company that thinks "Mexican" is a language.

The ad for the Massage Belt states that it's perfect to use while driving...yeah..well, maybe down lover's lane. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Coming soon is the police approved, Hawaii "50" Chair. If it doesn't get rid of the fat, and you don't want to face life anymore as a porker, just throw the red switch and you're toast. (humorbear@aol.com) Yeah, they got rid of the Fat, Wo Fat, that is, in that last episode.

Choose call center and language? Why? They're all calling India anyway. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

Helping fat people have sex without having to move. Sort of like my ex-wife, she never moved during sex ether. (DOrr221@comcast.net) Well, looks like she moved now, huh?

Wouldn't it be cheaper just to buy a hula hoop? (retrometro@rogers.com)

"Easy-to-use waistline slimming and fat burning aerobic workout exercise machine that take the work out of your work. Coming soon, the Hawaii bed.... take the sleep out of your sleep." (AndyD5_2000@hotmail.com)

My wife and her whole family tried the Hawaii Chair...now they're a bunch of perfect asses...asses, but still, perfect asses, nonetheless. (retrometro@rogers.com)

The Hula Chair, the perfect gift for the stripper in your life. (e-merlin001@hotmail.com) Looks like they are also selling the optional "lap dance belt".

Wait. WAIT. So If I put fruits and vegetables in boiling water it will clean them? "which not effective to quality of them" God Bless you Perfect USA! You are both useless and confusing! (mikepena@socal.rr.com)

A new "revolution" in exercise equipment! (retrometro@rogers.com) This whole concept so begs to be an option on a Rascal scooter.

Approved by Shakira and 412 Elvis impersonators. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Shouldn't the Hawaii chair come with a lei? Or will it help you get one? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The Perfect Foam Pillow with "NASA developed space age material" - in other words "foam". (tpanner@hotmail.com)

And for California residents, this chair helps you remain stationary during an earthquake. (gerg17@comcast.net)

The Ultrasonic Cleaner cleans "family materials"? What the hell are family materials. Do they mean the kids? Can it clean the kids without harming them? (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Manufacturer's note: not recommended for use by surgeons or calligraphers. (skibip@aol.com) Whew...the Rabbi can still perform that bris ceremony, after all!

Throw your back out the modern way! (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)

Sigh, I just got done with the "Hail Marys" for impure thoughts over the 3-way jacket. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

A 2800 rpm hula motor? You will soon know the great joys of grinding your vertebrae cartilage down to the bone. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

"Memory Foam Pillow" is the perfect name for that item, because If I spent $80 bucks for a pillow, I'd sure as hell never forget it! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Again with the killer slogans...I tell ya - I could go into business doing this...hmmm...

The entire family will love the Hawaii Chair so much, they'll have to use it in rotation, but that's the whole idea, isn't it? (retrometro@rogers.com)