(Updated 3 Sep 08)

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Location Earth Dog Tags
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If I get abducted by aliens, I'm not worried that they're going to probe my necklace. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

The problem is, the people who will buy this are the people we don't want coming back. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com; arlenekader@aol.com)

Hey, if they have a way of taking you one million miles on a gallon of gas...why would you want to come back? (maxcel200@aol.com)

That's smart. Give the aliens something to augment the dreaded Anal Probe. (seeker@vcoms.net) Dreaded? I hear alien anal probes are outta this world.

Don't believe it! I bought one of these when I lived on Mars and I still haven't made it back there! (ponytayl@cox.net)

...and for just $89.95 you can add the titanium "Anti Rectal Probe Chastity Belt." (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)

Aliens will not be able to find us because the map includes Pluto which is no longer a planet. (rod.renner@juno.com) Sad...Pluto's kinda the dingleberry of the Milky Way galaxy now.

So they figure out how to get you back home if you're abducted...great. Now solve the issue of "anal probing" and how to keep alien things out of your butthole. (arlenekader@aol.com)

Great for men trying to pick up chicks in bars, because a lot of them seem like they're from another planet. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

If I'm reading the map right, the arrow on the "land mass" map is pointing right to the spot where Arkansas, Louisiana, and Mississippi meet. Anybody think that's a coincidence? (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com)

Forget dog tags; contact the abductee's college alumni association. They will track you down ANYWHERE in the galaxy for a donation! (rod.renner@juno.com)

Hey...that isn't an anal probe...it's a thermometer!...

Add: Have me back at 'the home' by meal time. (luganrn77@yahoo.com)