(Updated 5 Feb 06)

Hosted by Chester

The URL:

Breath Capture
(Site suggested by MistahTom@aol.com)

Well, we certainly got many breathtaking offerings this time around, and you managed to cough up:

Those who need a memorial with more substance than just a breath should try our newest product, Ejac-u-save (rubber gloves sold seperately) (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

And so what if your loved one has a bad cold?..then, whatcha got their is pretty much just a germ vial.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

What a ripoff. I can eat garlic shrimp, drink Guinness, and you can capture my breath WITHOUT a container from a distance! (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Yes...we know...

"Just breathe into this tube. Very good! Now, could you sign right here to give me power of attorney. Great! Oh, and I think you forgot to sign your will. Right there at the bottom. Perfect! Okay, honey, now go out there and get those nasty terrorists." (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Ok... hate to burst the bubble, but you're gonna get 1000 fart captures entries. (maxcel200@aol.com) I sincerely doubt anyone would be THAT ...oh...wait

I don't get it...the person who captures the most flatulence, wins? (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Enclosed is my check for $19.00. As this gift for my mother-in-law I would like Ode de Flatulunt. Please advise if you have any other aromas of the same, to choose from. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

I'll have to consult my attorney, to see if this is a copyright infringement of my groundbreaking invention, "Fart Capture." (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

And now, the lush corner...

WARNING: Do not expose to open flame if loved one died from cirrhosis. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

I'm not blowing into that, it could be a police trick and I generally blow about 1.2 on any given day. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) 1.2 what? Well you made one and a 'fifth' men very happy.

I cant count the times I wish I had granpa's rank whiskey stank breath preserved so I could get a whiff to remind me of him, really, I cant count the times. (edprocoat@msn.com)

Ahhh! Nothing like bringing the old bag's halitosis with you to work as a reminder that you'd rather be at the office than home with the old shrew. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

"Special Rare Breath Captures of W.C. Field's breath while working on 'My Little Chickadee' no longer available, due to the regrettable health hazard they posed when accidentally broken...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

And thanks to this blowhard for...

Garlic proof capture tube is extra. 5 Breath models available for long winded partners. Voice capturing attachment ships free with $80 or more purchase. Offer void where intellegent people reside. Except in California. (Eleman8859@aol.com)