(updated 7 Jan 05)

URL: Affordable Urine Samples
(Site suggested by Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

If you're smoking reefer before you go to a job interview... how can you be sure you'll remember to take the *clean* urine? (dangerwulf@aol.com)

I thought that kid down the street was a little too old to be running a lemonade stand. (jajuta@comcast.net)

Wait 'till some guy gets a sample donated by a pregnant female!!! (bjjtoff@tds.net)

I'll show 'em who can operate heavy equipment while on amphetamines. (tpanner@inorbit.com)

"Approved by the Major League Players Association." (rampage1984@msn.com)

"Special bulk rates for train engineers, bus drivers, and airplane pilots!" (Ringo@illuSchoen.net) ...and don't forget huge-ass oil tanker captains!

"Are you healthy? Are you drug-free? Do you have a weak bladder? If you answered yes to all the above, we've got a job for you!" (tpanner@inorbit.com)

I don't care what they said it is, it still tasted like chicken broth to me. (skibip@aol.com)

$29.95! I would just go next door and ask for a cup of pee. (badancegrl@aol.com)

"Now scouring all AA meetings for prospective donors." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

"Passing your whiz quiz is our biz!" (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

I've probably flushed away a fortune! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

"Why be denied a good urine sample just because you're piss poor?" (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Now I know how all these nuts I work with got hired! (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

What happens when you fail a drug test using one of their urine samples? Do you sue and admit in court that you were cheated for cheating? (rod.renner@juno.com)

Other people's urine I got. To get a job, I need a prison record that doesn't have 'criminally insane' written all over it. (mr_didgers@hotmail.com)

Don't be fooled - it's a DEA sting operation. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com) Hey, if it stings...it might not be totally "clean" urine.

Just when you thought your drug habit couldn't get more expensive... (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

"For whatever trouble YOU'RE-IN Our URINE will get you out." (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

I'm so glad we're helping the war on drugs. (Luvlucyblucyb53@aol.com)

Yes, I am sure they won't mind you walking in at the drug testing center with a Fed-Ex package that's stamped "Caution: Human Waste Product, Do Not Spill." (redbarron1010@aol.com) You sure it shouldn't have been sent UPeeS? (I know...groan.)

"If you act now, we'll throw in a complimentary bag of turds at no charge!" (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

"And ladies, be sure to stop by our sister site, Affordable 'I'm Pregnant So Whadda Ya Think Of That Sport' Positive Home Pregnancy Test Urine Samples. Find out if he's ready or willing to marry you or if he'll bail!" (rockitower@aol.com)

"Just the thing for when your company hires a pee eye." (spamalope@access4less.net)

"Why get help when you can get AFFORDABLE URINE!?!" (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

"But, Bobby...when you said your father was a "Waste Management Expert"...I certainly wasn't thinking THIS...

I'm sure the kids are proud when Daddy stands up on career day at school and proclaims, "I sell piss on the Internet!" (Truckerex@insightbb.com)