(updated 10 Apr 04)

Truth be told...we are ALWAYS thinking here at HMO. Case in point: We had asked you to send in ideas for a replacement contest for our Finish Line slot...that one gets changed approximately every three months. Well, we got a few ideas...some of which would take up enormous amounts of my time...others that would intimidate William F. Buckley, others yet which we've done before...and then a couple we thought actually had some repeat playability. Now, since I'd like to pick a contest that YOU would like to play, what I thought would enable you to do just that would be to try two out as Tweak Of The Week contests, back to back, and then have everyone vote as to which to keep. I am going to keep the identities of the contest submitters unknown until after both are played and the votes are in...kind of like a double blind study. Hey, it's MY morningtime, what do you expect...prose? So, because of this, our Finish Line contest is going to run for yet another three weeks. Anyway, not only do you get the final vote here, but I also get TWO Tweaks out of it that I didn't have to come up with...see, I told you...always thinking.


Okay, you guys certainly outdid yourself on being underachievers...which is kind of an oxymoron...or maybe just moronic....hmmmm....needless to say (and that's why I'm saying it) - I had a good laugh over this one (hence the many chosen), and hopefully you will as well...

You might be under-qualified for a fast-food restaurant job if...
(Topic suggested by MedCheryl@aol.com)

...you currently work for the Motor Vehicle Department. (william.fishburne@verizon.net; Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...you keep insisting to customers that they have it YOUR way! (rod.renner@juno.com)

...that you work for Carl's Jr., but you hope you can meet his father one day. (WickedSpriteTink@aol.com)

...you mark position desired on your application as "doggie style". (Davidgotribe@aol.com)

...you've ever been bitch-slapped by Richard Simmons at an airport. (ahines3103@aol.com)

...you list your customer service skills experience from the post office. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

...you accept a 1 Million Dollar Bill. (Electronicwaffle@Yahoo.com)

...your only experience is running an online humor sight........quite unsucessfully, I might add. (polaris75@aol.com) Hey, at least I can spell "site" and "unsuccessfully" right...sheesh!

...the highlight of your Sophomore year of high school was finding someone to adopt your fourth child. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

...you think Big Mac is a rap star. (BikeMike101@hotmail.com)

...you consider Beavis and Butthead to be "overachievers". (HerzogVon@aol.com)

...you think super-sizing it involves a penis pump. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com; pat123z@aol.com)

...you don't know how to spell "KFC". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...your response to special orders is "Hey, I got a pickle YOU can hold, buddy!" (MrglsJon@aol.com) Yeah yeah...gherkin at best.

...you think your paycheck is a forgery because it isn't signed by the colonel. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

...you think the money you'll make will easily put your kids thru Harvard or Yale law school. (steve_medel@oxy.com)

...if, at the interview, you offer to dress up like their mascot. (zenphoenix@yahoo.com)

...you can't help repeating back each order to your drive-thru customers in pig-Latin. (ldolphin34@hotmail.com) Ukkfayooyay@aol.com, you're slipping here.

...you wear a 'Big Mac' T-shirt to a Wendy's job interview. (fireflymail@aol.com)

...someone tells you to hold the mayo and you ask, "How long?" (pjb1671@netscape.net)

...your previous job used to include making origami figures. (Hey, nobody's safe in this place!) (paracletus3@aol.com) Hey, you're new here...we don't have to take that from you...YET!

..."What? The bun doesn't go in the middle?" (lsamarri@aol.com)

...you only got your Bachelor's Degree in Liberal Arts, and never went for your Master's. (dinosaur1972@aol.com) You must be from Washington, DC or New York, right?

...you drop Jared's name to try get the job. (deweyever@attbi.com)

...you're color blind and can't tell the difference between ketchup and mustard without tasting it. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...you tell the manager that you'd really like to see them abolish the "No shirt/no shoes" rule. (scalpel@aol.com)

...if you keep asking your manager at Subway whether you're Inbound or Outbound. (pec@gis.net)

...you can't resist the urge to stick your hand in the deep fat fryer. (reakinhavoc1971@aol.com)

...you are constantly heard saying, "That whole hand washing thing...that's not real, right?" (Patterson8040@aol.com)

...the intricacies of medium-sized "smalls" and large-sized "mediums" escape you. (chharget@aol.com)

...get the term "Drive-Thru" mixed up with "Drive-By." (pec@gis.net)

...enter restaurant carrying a sign that says, "Will work for food!" (Davidgotribe@aol.com)

...you want to take orders from the drive-thru just so you can sit in the sign. (seeker@vcoms.net)

...you ask your manager, "How much spit do I put in the #2?" (Patterson8040@aol.com)

Let me guess...you're the one who called the cops when someone paid with a $2 bill, right?...

...you start saying things like "lebenty-seven-twenty-three-skidoo-BINGO" when you have to count beyond 100...." (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)