(updated 12 Feb 04)

You might be addicted to sports if...

...while having sex with your girlfriend you always say "he shoots he scores!!" (steve_medel@oxy.com)

...prolonged viewing of televised sporting events has led to chronic case of athlete's butt. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

...your buddies invite you to a strip club but you pass because water polo is on!! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

...you bought a Freightliner Semi to tailgate with. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

...you slam dunk your doughnuts in coffee. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...you assume a sports personality identity in your email. (karlmalone@yahoo.com) Damn! So, I guess a million dollar donation to HMO is out of the question??

...you subscribe to the curling channel. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

...you reschedule your emergency appendectomy because " DUH, its the Super Bowl!?" (redbarron1010@aol.com)

...you time your self at the self-serve island to see if you're faster than the other customers!!! (pat123z@aol.com)

...you pay for your wife's Orgasmatron. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

...you know there's a professional soccer league in the USA. (chharget@aol.com)

...if you start sex with "On your marks..." (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com) Bet I know who "wins" each time here.

...you started a fantasy bowling league. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

...your children know you're home when they hear you yelling at the television set. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

...your boss keeps reminding you that your "Football Face-Paint" is inappropriate for "Casual Fridays". (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

...you have ANY idea what's going on in Australian Rules Football. (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com) Rules?? Surely you jest.

...the funeral parlor director finally insists on taking the batteries from your pocket TV after three warnings. (RWich928@aol.com)

...you ask about the football pool in your job interview. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com)

...Janet did WHAT? (NodMyChin@sbcglobal.net)

Float like a butterfly...Sting like...uh...a sword?...

...you went to "Lord Of The Rings" expecting a boxing saga. (rochford@netaus.net.au)