(updated 13 Jun 04)

I'll get the "No No's" title up here eventually...so for the time being you'll have to pretend it's there.

Things Not To Say and/or Do While on a Jury
(Topic suggested by Mistahtom@aol.com)

Show up with a huge foam #1 finger that has 'Defense!' written on it. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

Sit in a corner of the deliberation room pulling petals off of a daisy saying "guilty... not guilty... guilty... not guilty..." (astae@paonline.com; VxAnthraX@aol.com) Ah...reading Stu's cartoons, huh?

Every time the bailiff say's "will everyone please rise" you laugh out loud like Beavis. (steve_medel@oxy.com)

"Where's Judge Judy?" (lacee7700@aol.com)

I can spot a guilty face a mile away! (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com; CoyPsyche@aol.com)

During deliberations, don't ask, "Is he guilty?" and then pull out a Magic 8-Ball. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

Your Honor, I just thought I would point out that I am very angry and emotional again that the metal detector did not go off when I came in and justice will prevail.....soon. (RWich928@aol.com)

Keep interrupting the trial with "Hey, when do we get to see the Zapruder film?" (deweyever@attbi.com)

Suggest that you all guess the verdict by playing charades, and when it is your turn, hold your necktie up like a noose and make choking noises... (agapeagent@yahoo.com) "Hang 'em High....uh...William Hung...uh Any Which Way But Noose??...oh I give up."

"This is getting boring...let's do the wave." (rampage1984@msn.com; soulsinger66@yahoo.com)

"We the jury find the defendant guilty of assault, and I personally find Juror Number Seven guilty of a really nice ass." (giraffic_art@yahoo.com)

"Hell, I've done that!" (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

Ask if Murphy's Law applies to the case. (4084104608@mobile.att.net)

"It doesn't matter whether he's guilty or innocent. Can we fry him because he's ugly?" (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) Or as they say in lawyer-speak..."Hideous Corpus".

Laugh and yell out "YEAH, RIGHT!" every time the defense attorney makes a statement. (cdmauger@aol.com)

"Sorry, can you repeat your testimony? I was mentally undressing the stenographer." (MrglsJon@aol.com)

On breaks, kick the soda machine and yell "NO! YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!" (deweyever@attbi.com)

Repeatedly stand up and point out legal inconsistencies, citing different John Grisham books, which you have all brought with you. (tainsam@aol.com) Those and your "Jury Duty For Dummies" book should really make an impression.

Keep looking at your non-existent watch and holding your wrist up to your ear, sighing loudly. (kayladykay@aol.com)

Whoa the defendant is HOT!! I vote we get her off. (rampage1984@msn.com)

When the lawyer asks a question, wave your hand in the air, bounce up and down, and say, "Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know!" (darkmanwork@hotmail.com) Horshack, is that you?

Flip a coin during closing arguments. (steve_medel@oxy.com; kayladykay@aol.com)

During the defense summation on that high profile trial, make the cell phone call to your bookie "Hey, what's the current odds on the conviction?" (deweyever@attbi.com)

"Jeez, this guy must be a real idiot! It's really not that tough to hide a body!" (Johnbrunza@yahoo.com) Yeah...all you really gotta do is wear a lot of baggy clothing or lots of layers.

Play Hangman with a fellow juror. (steve_medel@oxy.com; archerjoe@hotmail.com)

Tell the judge you'll convict anyone in 30 minutes or less -- or the verdict is free. (nalick@usc.edu)

Letting your eyes roll back into your head at the same time would be overkill...

When no one is looking, sneer at the defendant and slowly drag your finger across your throat. (astae@paonline.com)