(updated 15 Mar 04)

You might be embellishing your resume too much if...

...you claimed to have found the weapons of mass destruction. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com; rod.renner@juno.com)

...the interviewer says, "Hey, wait a minute! I thought Al Gore invented the Internet." (darkmanwork@hotmail.com; L1061S@go.com)

...you hire Alan Smithee to write it. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

...you described your prison term as "going on sabbatical." (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

...you include "Comedy Writer" and list HMO as a reference. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Hell, why not...I do!

...if it took three trips to the craft store to complete your folder! (tackajoey@aol.com)

...you left your previous position because they wouldn't let you wear your Congressional Medal of Honor on Casual Friday. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

...after looking over your references, the interview asks you if this is the Pope's personal phone number, or just his secretary. (darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

...McDonald's seems excited about having a former Nobel Peace Prize winner working for them. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

...you redefine the four years you spent getting high every day in college as "intensive clinical study of human brain chemistry." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com) Don't forget...you are also qualified as a "nutritionist" from all those munchies.

...the jobs you list add up to more years than your age. (kayladykay@aol.com)

...it actually got you the job. (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com; jajuta@comcast.net)

...a choir of angels appears and sings every time your resume is picked up. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

...there are more letters after your name than in your name itself. (srch4sat@charter.net; kirstennetsrik@yaho.com) I would use the "Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm" name from the Python skit as an exceedingly lenghty example...but that just might be overkill. ;)

...you state that Donald Trump never fired you. (L1061S@go.com; woodlandavian@hotmail.com)

I even hear Leonardo Di Caprio and Tom Hanks are talking a movie sequel about it...

...the weakest part of it is the Letters of Recommendation from all six living Presidents. (mrxsandmanx@yahoo.com)