(updated 1 May 04)

Please remember to also cast your vote at the Tweak Of The Week entry box link for "No No's" or "Grave Words"...which will then run approximately three months in Finish Line's contest slot.

You might be wasting your time with someone if...

...it's 15 years on and you're still dating. (sheafitz1@netscape.net)

...he can memorize every "Star Trek" episode by Stardate, but not your anniversary. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

...they have to ask their parents if they can go on a date. And they're 35. (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

...her pet name for you is "Buffalo Breath". (likelucy@praisemail.com)

...all their accomplishments can be seen in the archives of HumorMeOnline.com (and a couple Origami creations on the mantle). (RayOfCork@aol.com)

...you have to wait to talk to them until a "good commercial" isn't on. (murdoctor@aol.com) ...AND they have TiVo!

...they wake up to the crack of Dawn. The only problem is, your name is not Dawn! (davidgotribe@aol.com)

...she keeps asking to be paid afterwards. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

...you're still eating breadsticks alone at your table for two and she was supposed to be there at three o'clock. Yesterday. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

...he presents you with a nice dandelion bouquet on your birthday. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

...you've been dating two years and he'll still only meet you at 3 AM at the Denny's in the seedy part of town. (rose_justice@msn.com)

...she says "wear whatever you want." (robertellingsworth@yahoo.com) Well, one way to put an end to this is to put on some of HER clothes...hmmm...or maybe start something totally new.

...their phone number starts out 1-900-... (chharget@aol.com)

...the only thing you have in common is bilateral symmetry. (spamalope@access4less.net)

...within two minutes of meeting them, they tell you they're "on Atkins." (ukkfayooyay@aol.com) A sure sign you are getting old...1960's: You were on drugs...2000's: You're on Atkins.

...his wife ALWAYS answers the phone at his house. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

...they look at you and say, "Leave, oh dear God, leave, just leave. Leave me, please! I don't like you anymore, please just leave me alone, or do I have to call the cops?" (davidgotribe@aol.com)

...she puts you on hold to take a call from a telemarketer. (Ripster40@yahoo.com)

Could be worse...could be a bikini wax...

...you call for a date and she says she has to wax her grandmother's legs. (ferrisk@benning.army.mil)