(updated 21 May 04)

I'll get the "No No's" title up here this weekend...so for the time being you'll have to pretend it's there.

Things Not To Say and/or Do At A Graduation Ceremony

"I've got just one word of advice for you, boy -- 'plastics'!" (rod.renner@juno.com)

"I'd like to thank my parents, my teachers, and the good people at 'Term Papers.com'!" (MrglsJon@aol.com)

"Can I still keep living in the co-ed dorm?" (murdoctor@aol.com)

Heckle the commencement speaker. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Line your cap with razors. (stingray678@yahoo.com) Well, just as long as you don't use razor blades...and remember kids, just as in Jackass, Fear Factor, or reruns of MacGyver...never attempt to do anything you see or read here at HMO.

Fart "Pomp & Circumstance" for laughs. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

Upon receiving your diploma, turn to the assembled and proceed to thank all the "little people" who made this possible. Begin with the custodial staff. (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Stop the Valedictorian during his/her speech and ask if there's going to be a quiz afterwards (jnmcda0@yahoo.com)

"Mr. Johnson...I am really sorry about the drunken night with your daughter last December, but the gown hides the baby well!" (RWich928@aol.com)

Bring a camcorder and say you're shooting one of those "Girls Gone Wild" films. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Write "Thanks Mom and Dad" on your butt cheeks and moon the audience after you accept your diploma. (witsend@sevinex.com)

And to those graduates with Art-History degrees, let me just say, "We tried to warn you." (chharget@aol.com) Is this an example of "history repeating itself"?

"I just wanna give a shout out to my Dad, who thankfully had the cash to bribe every teacher I've had." (murdoctor@aol.com)

"And in closing, let me say to all you graduates, jobs in India, China, Japan Lower Slobovia are all looking for your resumes." (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

"You have suffered through four years of being picked on, singled out, laughed at, belittled, tested and 'labeled' for your mastery of meaningless information. Four down... only about 60 left to go. Good luck out there, losers!" (Mikepena@socal.rr.com) Well, on the bright side...you could get Alzheimers or die early...sheesh...I shall now dwell on my remaining 40 or so...thanks.

Rush the stage screaming, "My BAAAABY! He's all growed up!" (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

"Kegger at Principal Skinner's house right after the pomp and circumstances!" (discodon2000@aol.com)

Well, it's not like they could afford to put the gas in their cars to even GET to work in the first place...

"And as we send these young people out to further swell the ranks of the unemployed. . . " (changetion@yahoo.com)