(updated 22 Jul 04)

Things Not To Say and/or Do at the Olympic Trials
(Topic suggested by chharget@aol.com)

Bring your own whistle and during the swim trials, blow it loud and shout, "Alright, everybody out of the pool!" (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Swap an M-80 for the relay baton. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Olympic Hopeful #1: "I've as good as got the gold in this event; I slept with that hot Russian judge over there just last night." Olympic Hopeful #2: "That's no woman." (razcactus@netzero.com)

You really shouldn't point at the Jamaican soccer players and yell, "Look! There's Jar Jar Binks!" (paracletus3@aol.com) Yeah mesa thinkin' yousa get your ass kicked REAL good.

Ask the Greek team if they are going to be wearing the same thing as at the first Olympics. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

Try to charge purchases with American Express. (Visa is the official card of the Olympics.) (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) I don't know which is worse...the fact you remember this or the fact I picked it.

Bring MC Hammer LPs to the hammer toss. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

It would be best not to wear the warm-up suit, provided to you by your corporate sponsor Balco, to the 100 meter try-outs. (SPTIrish@aol.com)

Use the Olympic torch to light farts. (farmermaslen@hotmail.com) Yeah, some of you wish you'd have thought of this instead of your "fart-type" entries.

Set up a vendor stand selling your own urine to athletes so they can compete. (jonboyd@hotmail.com)

Don't they allow ANY girls with boobs in here?!? (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

"Bless you. Want one of my antihistamines?" (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Tell the head of the Olympic Committee that you "carry a torch" for them. (murdoctor@aol.com)

Ask where the French judge is, while waving a handful of cash. (tphyll@aol.com)

Call your opponent a dope. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Ride up on your tractor, and ask where you sign up for the track and field competition. (lacee7700@aol.com)

"Dat race was da BOMB!" (DRGNTMR@AOL.COM; RasGold@cox.net)

The sad part is that any one them still make more in a month than I make all year...

Mumble "amateur" under your breath every time you pass an athlete in the village. (monetmonet@artlover.com)