(updated 27 Mar 04)

Well, it's that time of year again...when we change the contest in this slot. We have a few to go back on, but we'd really appreciate your input. Do you have one you'd like to see return...or do you have a whole new contest you've come up with that you could suggest? If it's playable enough and we use it...we will dole out some Rat's Asses and possibly an origami as well. Please let us know...via this link, what you'd like to see here to replace "Finish Line"...but, don't forget to play the new topic!

You might be overrating yourself as a lover if...
(Topic suggested by MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

Okay, we know you've heard some of these before...we usually try not to allow those, but in this case...they just seemed too appropriate NOT to.

...you brag that hookers give you your money back. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...you call Trojan to ask what kind of deal they can make for "bulk buying ". (jdcoops3@aol.com)

...your thoughts of yourself negate the need for a partner. (Patterson8040@aol.com) ...and that is bad becaaaaaause....?

...you wear a stopwatch to bed. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

...you have your penis bronzed. (steve_medel@oxy.com; robertellingsworth@yahoo.com)

...during a love making session you swore you could hear your wife say, "Beige, I'll think I'll paint the ceiling beige." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...you keep comparing yourself to Wilt Chamberlain. (discodon2000@aol.com)

...your story starts... OK, I did these two chicks once and they were lesbians.. or lepers, I don't know but body parts were flyin' all over the place... (mwatts@nhbakersfield.com)

...you think cunnilingus is that Irish airline. (kirstennetsrik@yahoo.com)

...you tell women they need to be wrapped in duct tape before sex to keep from exploding. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

...your wife has been hiding your Viagra. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Worse yet, she's been replacing them with saltpeter.

...you think she's falling asleep because you wore her out. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

...your idea of "never leaving a woman unsatisfied" consists of making sure you put a big enough tip on the nightstand. (murdoctor@aol.com)

...you rate yourself as a lover. (chharget@aol.com)

...your wife/girlfriend spends half her paycheck on "C" batteries (sunjonesboro@yahoo.com) Let's hope she's getting minimum wage...or YOU just might NOT be the problem here.

...you claim that your DNA is the secret ingredient in Viagra. (skibip@aol.com; cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

...you've ever said, "There is no such thing as BAD sex." (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...your wife asks you to explain what's wrong with Meg Ryan during the restaurant scene in "When Harry Met Sally". (TZMAC@aol.com)

Hmmmm....I was wondering why I did that...

...you interpret her complete motionlessness as, "wanting to savor every sensation." (chharget@aol.com)