(updated 29 Dec 03)

You know Dick Clark is showing his age when...
(Topic suggested by junkmailmagnet42@aol.com)

...he refers to your stereo as the "ol' Victrola". (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

...when he needs the band to help him stand. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

... wait.... has Dick Clark EVER shown his age? Does he even have an age to show? (bam@thesoundvault.com)

...Anna Nicole starts to find him attractive (NodMyChin@sbcglobal.net; ahines3103@aol.com)

...he thinks Paris Hilton is a hotel in France. (redbarron1010@aol.com; BPaul317@aol.com) Yeah yeah...and he's the only one who's never "visited".

...he announces that the ball is falling on New Year's Eve, just like the candle did in 1904. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

Voice in his headphones: "Snap out of it, Dick! It's not the Hindenburgh. It's New Year's Eve.. you know.. Time's Square.. the big ball drops.. remember? Start counting backwards from 10, dammit, or you'll ruin everything!" (Chick65@aol.com)

...the New Years Eve celebration is filmed at 5 PM because he just can't stay awake. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

...the wind blows, his hair does not move, but his jowls flutter. (chharget@aol.com) You can bet I'll be looking for this come midnite.

...the picture of him in the attic is beginning to look haggard. (wtlegis@yahoo.com; MrCrayZ@aol.com)

...he starts political conversations with "I remember when the first George W. was in office" (referring to George Washington, of course). (witsend@sevinex.com)

...you see him struggle to play a CD on a turntable. (Truckerex@wmconnect.com)

...he blurts out, "Gee Whiz, we're having such a swell time. This is just the cat's pajamas!" (rod.renner@juno.com) Well, what do you expect from the ultimate Hep Cat himself?

...when you read the show's credits real close and see that "Dick Clark's make-up is sponsored in part by IBM, Ford Motor Co., and Microsoft." (Dspur57098@aol.com)

...keeps complaining that rock bands these days don't play as loud as they used to. (chharget@aol.com)

...every time you see him step into his dressing room and the door closes, it sounds like a NASCAR pit stop. (Stan790@aol.com)

...all of the world's possible age jokes have been told. (scalpel@aol.com)

Which is, incidentally, the amount of times he's bathed in the blue flame...(What? No one's ever seen the movie "She" besides me??)...

...he reminisces about a favorite song by concluding, "I gave it a XXXVII". (HerzogVon@aol.com)