(updated 29 Jun 04)

Things Not To Say and/or Do At Your Girlfriend's Parent's House
(Topic suggested by darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

Don't start after meeting with the parents with "Man, my first date with your daughter was sooooooooo HOT" (fireflysmail@aol.com)

Stare at her mother's chest the entire time. (khalazdad@adelphia.net) I guess it could be worse...you could stare at her father's.

Tell her mother that your mother makes better food that this. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

Don't mention that you noticed the Vaseline jar in the medicine cabinet was almost empty. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

"Hey man, welcome back from vacation..you two really have an awesome bed!" (RWich928@aol.com)

"Wanna see pictures of my new baby son?" (customerwaller@cox.net)

"It's nice to know that Shelley's a REAL blonde." (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

Fart and blame it on the dog....especially when they don't have a dog. (dzed68@yahoo.com; skibip@aol.com)

Stash opened condom wrappers under the sofa cushions. (chefrandy@charter.net)

"You know, at Motel Six..they don't really leave the light on for ya." (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Proudly show off your new tattoo explaining its significance to your Street Gang. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

"Woah... you guys have CABLE?!? Awesome! Got the Playboy Channel? huh-huh-huh-huh-huh... (drooling)" (murdoctor@aol.com)

Hand back the iced tea and ask for a scotch on the rocks instead. (Lil0kimie@aol.com)

"So, are all the women in the family screamers?" (chharget@aol.com; MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

"Do you have any other daughters, in case this one won't put out?" (guitartexn@aol.com)

"What line of work am I in?...The unemployment line." (maxcel200@aol.com) Don't forget to bring a drum with you for this one.

"Is YOUR ass gonna get as big as your mom's?" (MrglsJon@aol.com)

Ask, "So are you and your wife pretty sound sleepers or what?" (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

"Hey Mrs. Perry...could you get me a drink while you're up? Thanks, toots." (allen018@aol.com)

"So, which one of you put this idea in her head that she should be married before having children?" (chharget@aol.com) "Yeah, all my other baby's moms weren't...sheesh!"

"My Job? Well it is a little complicated to explain...er...er...I am like a druggist, but I work out of my car." (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Say "I'd hit that" every time someone says a woman's name. (freeloosedirt@sbcglobal.net)

Start whistling "Mrs. Robinson" whenever her mother walks past you.... (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

I'd lay off the Pledge a little, tho...

"Boy, your table sure looks a lot different when your daughter's not bent over it with her panties around her ankles." (ChrisAndBrandi69@aol.com)