(updated 31 Jan 04)

You may be destined for relative obscurity if...

...your fifteen minutes of fame somehow involve a Rat's Ass. (william.fishburne@verizon.net)

...you lose on the first round of American Idol. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

...in High School, you were voted most likely to work at Radio Shack. (kamasushi@aol.com)

...you ever married Jennifer Lopez. (endocrom@aol.com)

...you start thinking your name really is "Occupant" (pec@gis.net)

...your only claim to fame is publishing once on Humormeonline. (kurtklein50@yahoo.com; Cantw82paint@Aol.com) I think your problem here lies in the fact you believe you are actually "being published". ;)

...all your past relationships (2), have ended in, "well no I think she said she had to defrag her hard-drive and couldn't meet me in person." (jonboyd@hotmail.com)

...your own mother doesn't remember your name, and she doesn't have Alzheimer's. (Rabdreadr@aol.com)

...your ambition to have your photo taken with Ronald McDonald has not yet been fulfilled (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

...you're one of the other three members of the Lovin' Spoonful. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com) Uh...yeah...hmmm.

...you find yourself regularly admiring the achievement of your local K-mart manager. (Fraglesrock@aol.com)

...you applied to be a contestant on the final showing of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" (tphyll@aol.com)

...you're a democratic presidential hopeful and Al Sharpton is WAY ahead of you. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

...you've been given a red shirt to wear in the next Star Trek movie. (rod.renner@juno.com)

...if your SAT and ACT scores combined are lower than your weight. (Dspur57098@aol.com) Not sure if weight or IQ would be worse here.

...I'm looking forward to my high school reunion so I can corner everyone that signed my year book and ask why they didn't 'KIT' (Keep In Touch). (CoyPsyche@aol.com)

...you don't get any spam. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

...your one true claim to fame and the culmination of your life's work is the invention of the adhesive that makes the "white-on-one-side/foil-on-the-other" wrapper on each stick of Wrigley's Gum possible. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

...you own more than 50 cats and know all their names and birthdays. (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

I think this one also classifies as "Top Ten Worst Pick Up Lines" ...

...you have a friend, whose barber's cousin, once saw CarrotTop in person. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)