(updated 4 Aug 04)
Things Not To Say and/or Do at the Opera
(Topic suggested by email@example.com)
"Hey!! There are A LOT of fat ladies singin' here!! How do I know when this darn this is over?!!?" (Hartspill@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Put a Greek fruit on seats A-1 thru A-10. You know Fig a row. (email@example.com) Hey, sometimes they are so bad they are good.
Swing down on a rope, steal the Prima Donna, drag her down into your cave in the sewers, and play creepy music to her until a bunch of people arrive to kill you. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Say, "Hey, I thought this was Rocky Horror...Oh well," and throw everything you brought in the air. (farmermaslen@Hotmail.com)
Accompany the performers with armpit noises. They don't like that. Oddly enough, they wont shake your hand afterwards either. (email@example.com) You know...class like this just can't be bought.
Attempt to incite the crowd into doing "the wave". (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com)
Howl like a dog when the fat lady sings. (firstname.lastname@example.org; Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
Wear your T-shirt with a painted-on Tuxedo. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
"Dude, where's my Car-men?" (Airfarcewon@aol.com) It's almost worth the money to have your car valet parked just to say this...if the valet would have a clue.
Stand up and yell, "Hey, this is America. Can't you guys sing in English?" (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sound like an expert: "I know all there is to know about this opera...except for aria 51, that's classified information ... of course." (email@example.com)
Wait until a very quiet moment, and then whisper loudly to your date, "Opera? I thought we were going to see Oprah!" (firstname.lastname@example.org; RasGold@cox.net)
"Everybody sing along! Come on, we all know the words!" (email@example.com)
Ask your wife to stand up and sing so that everyone will think it's over. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Ouch...good luck later on tonite if she reads this, bucko.
Yell "Elmer and Bugs did this scene 10 times better!!!" (email@example.com)
Every time someone hits a high note, smash a glass bottle... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Walk the aisles shouting "Earplugs! Get yer official earplugs here and you won't have to hear any more. Only two dollars!" (email@example.com)
Shout out to Madam Butterfly: "Nice pair of falsettos!" (firstname.lastname@example.org) No no no...that's M. Butterfly.
Try to toss breath mints into the mouths of the singers during long notes. (email@example.com)
Hold up a lighter and yell "Freeebirrrrd!!!" (MrglsJon@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Ask loudly: "How can a guy who's dying sing for so long?" (email@example.com)
Suck on a lemon. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Talk about them hitting some sour notes.
"Jeez, mom. You said my rock music was bad cuz you couldn't understand the words. What do you call this garbage?" (email@example.com)
"When do the Marx Brothers come on?" (firstname.lastname@example.org; L1061S@go.com)
Proof positive that with enough alcohol, you can get people to do anything...
Have you and six of your buddies show up with the letters F A T L A D Y written across your bare chests. (email@example.com)