(updated 13 Mar 08) 

I know nothing of sex...

Since this is my first time judging this contest I  have been over generous in meting out those precious RA’s that you know about…even more so than sex as I can tell by the entries. I’m very surprised that  not one single one of you came up with  “I know nothing of sex - but  I can fish like a master baiter.” Airfarcewon how did you let this one slip by...even though you did come up with some gems!   They say what you don’t know won’t hurt you, but after reading these, now I’m not sure.

 
I know nothing of sex...because I've always been married. --- Zsa Zsa Gabor (luganrn77@yahoo.com)  And you know nothing of being disqualified for using the exact original quote but 10 RA’ s anyway for knowing the source. And no you do not qualify for 10RA’s for each of her 9 marriages, dahling!

I know nothing of sex...that can't be cured with antibiotics... (GerriHan65@aol.com)

I know nothing of sex...it's just something I play by rear, er, ear. (AirFarcewon@aol.com)  

I I know nothing of sex...which you will never hear quoted on eHarmony.com. (humorbear@aol.com)

I know nothing of sex...because I'm still married. (tphyll@aol.com; lovepeaceguy68@aol.com) Unfortunately so is she, lovestud.
 
I know nothing of sex...since the wedding. (mitchwatts@yahoo.com)
 
I know nothing of sex...at least, that's what I told my mother in high school (smirk!). (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

I know nothing of sex...but what I learned in jail. (tphyll@aol.com)

I know nothing of sex...but baby, I'm willing to learn. (Airfacewon@aol.com; WJKbase@aol.com)

I know nothing of sex... sex causes memory loss. (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com) I bet you even forget you went blind first.

I know nothing of sex...so, that makes me an instinctive natural. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) ...or someone in the State Pen.

I know nothing of sex...that I haven't tried. heard anything new lately? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) You’re asking the wrong person - I chose the topic .

I know nothing of sex...but what I learned from my priest. (tphyll@aol.com)

I know nothing of sex...so I am very happy that four kids aren't asking me for a damn peanut butter and jelly sandwich every five minutes of my life! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com) Or where babies come from (wink, wink).

I know nothing of sex... but if you hum a few bars I can fake it. (edprocoat@msn.com)
 
I know nothing of sex... lucky for me the hooker knows enough for both of us.  (lovepeaceguy68@aol.com) Sex and education, 5 bucks well spent!
 
I know nothing of sex...and with a face like mine, I never will. Signed, Michael Jackson (tpanner@hotmail.com)
 
The following three entries came straight out of The Rube Goldberg’ Book of  Kama Sutra:
 
I know nothing of sex...is of interest to you, but I brought some whipped cream, rose petals, ropes, and handcuffs, just in case. (Airfacewon@aol.com) 
 
I know nothing of sex...without handcuffs, two quarts of fresh pudding, a trained aardvark, a video camera, a blood relative and a pound of LSD. (seeker@vcoms.net)
 
I know nothing of sex...but give me an empty scotch tape holder, a ceiling fan, two quarts of gasoline, a copy of "Guide to installing vacuum bags, a tub of dry-roasted pelican feathers and the use of a riding mower and I'll experiment. (seeker@vcoms.net)

I know nothing of sex...so I am google searching it right now. (davidgotribe@aol.com) The ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ option should get you some good results.

I know nothing of sex...I've read too many Cosmo articles. (tpanner@hotmail.com)
 
I know nothing of sex...tants. Does it look like we're on a sailin' boat ya hump. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Now that’s downright naughtycal!
 
I know nothing of sex... sober, but after a few drinks I'm the best I've ever had! (CoyPsyche@aol.com)
 
And in saying goodbye to this contest, the much adieu about nothing award goes to:
 
I know nothing of sex...and my wife thinks nothing of it. (Airfacewon@aol.com)