(updated 20 Feb 08) 

The optimist sees the glass as half...
(please let's try to keep them original)


Okay, I am glad to see this contest I've been judging since 2001 leave me with one of the funniest groups of entries I've had the pleasure to read in a while. I am going to relinquish my duty at the helm here and give it to someone else so, a) it will hopefully have a fun new slant on it; and b) because I am hoping it will give me some free time to judge other contests sooner than I have been...and this one will, in turn, be judged sooner as well.

Our new judge is someone I've known for ages...yes, I'm old...but let's just welcome him and call him "Mindchaff". He will get his first turn at judging next time around, so make sure to swamp him with tons of really strange off-the-wall entries. ;)


The optimist sees the glass as half...full of jack and half full of coke! Now THAT'S a good outlook! (PAdams002@hotmail.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...price but the pessimist sees it as a piece of kitsch the store is trying to unload on some poor sucker with no taste. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...out of his a** after he smarted off about his wife's cooking. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half... of tequila... and another shot waiting to be poured! (Storm844@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...past a monkeys ass and a quarter to his balls! (DavidGoTribe@aol.com; lovepeaceguy68@aol.com) Thank you, both of who never made it past the third grade.

The optimist sees the glass as half...of a lovely evening...as soon as you add the alcohol. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...full, the pessimist thinks - the drinks around here sure are skimpy, and the ambiance in this joint sure leaves something to be desired, and I didn't order that in the first place, and it sure isn't top shelf I can tell you that, and look at that jerk over there - who does he think he is? - and I don't know why I agreed to go out for drinks in the first place because I'm sure not going home with you - not when you wear Wal-Mart suits and Payless shoes, and I'm sick of this town anyhow, and wouldn't it just be like me to get stuck going to a joint like this with a creep like you and drinking drinks like this for the rest of my life? (kirstenlmsw@gmail.com) We should get together...we'd have a really fun time.

The optimist sees the glass as half...as clean as it will be once his newly patented dish cleaning fluid hits the market. (edprcoat@msn.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...the drunk never sees the glass. (maxcel200@aol.com) But a refined drunk with discriminating tastebuds has a different Riedel glass for every kind of wine they drink...and Waterford Martini glasses. Not that I would really know or anything. I'm just guessing here. Yep...that's it.

The optimist sees the glass as half...of what he needs to get the girl in bed. The booze he fills it with is the other half. (skibip@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...full, the Optometrist, however, sees the glasses as a paycheck. (PAdams002@hotmail.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...a pane in the ass. (tphyll@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...assed compared to how much better he could make the glass with a bunch of really cool swags and filigrees around the rim 'n' stuff. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...as clean as it really should be, but, drinks from it anyways. (davidgotribe@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...hers according to the divorce decree and wonders how much it would cost to get the ex's initials sanded off... (agapeagent@yahoo.com) Sanded off? More like smashed off with a sledgehammer precariously balanced on the hood of his new babe-magnet car.

The optimist sees the glass as half...blurry, if he drank the booze from it (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...way to a drunken stupor. (tpanner@hotmail.com) And my eventually-to-be-ex-husband used to call me a pessimist, too. Sheesh...the nerve!

The optimist sees the glass as half...of a half, which is 1/4 more than a pessimistic evaluation. (ubinrude@peoplepc.com)

The optimist sees the glass as half...full. The alcoholic drinks it. (ankle_jay@comcast.net)

The optimist sees the glass as half...The optimist's blood sucking ex still sees that there's something left to get in the glass. (giunta404@comcast.net)

The optimist sees the glass as half...the calories of a full glass. (retrometro@rogers.com) Oh just shuddup and go eat a salad or something.

The optimist sees the glass as half...The pessimist sees that the optimist will never drink enough of the rest to find him attractive. (giunta404@comcast.net)

The optimist sees the glass as half...the reason for his drinking problems. (davidgotribe@aol.com)

Oh...call it because of the morning - I am not a morning person, by the way...but, I found this one made me smile...

The optimist sees the glass as half...assed. Screw the optimist, you're going to die like the rest of us. (davidgotribe@aol.com)