(updated 20 May 08) 

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When a man tells you...

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' Don Marquis (US humorist (1878 - 1937). Well none of you are gonna get rich with these entries...a few RA’s, maybe, for your hard work. Okay now I'll have this little cockroach jumping across my keyboard post the winners (ala the Don himself).

When a man tells you...he's loaded, find out if he means money or booze. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

When a man tells you...he's the country's most eligible bachelor, you're probably on the set of a reality show. (retrometro@rogers.com)

When a man tells you...he's single, watch closely to see if his ring finger quivers. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

When a man tells you...he'll call you, that's code for "You have no hope." (PAdams002@hotmail.com)

When a man tells you... something, check the facial expression of his wife. Works every time! (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

When a man tells you...he's short on funds, you can usually drop the "d" and the "s", too. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

When a man tells you...he'd rather spend time with you than go away for the weekend on a fishing trip-it's time to figure out just what it is he fucked up. (loonalupe@rogers.com)

When a man tells you...he had dinner from a McDonald's Drive-Thru late last night, ask him what Ronald McDonald's pink bra was doing in the trunk. (retrometro@rogers.com) Especially if it’s super-sized.

When a man tells you... Anything, ANYTHING AT ALL, he wants sex. (lovepeaceguy68@aol.com) If I were you, I’d be worried if he tells you he didn’t!

When a man tells you...he never cheated on his wife, he’s either single or gay. (maxcel200@aol.com)

When a man tells you...he's ready, set aside 5 minutes for him. (anklejay@comcast.net) I suppose that would include 4 minutes for the cigarette afterwards.

When a man tells you ... I am good with directions, bring a map, a GPS, and a cell phone. (edprocoat@msn.com) On the other hand...

When a man tells you...he's lost and needs to stop to ask directions, the recent sex change hasn't really taken hold yet. (gerg17@comcast.net)

When a man tells you...anything in a bar, it will probably fry a polygraph. (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com)

When a man tells you a lie he has many more to back it up. (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Proof that good wins come in small packages...

When a man tells you...size doesn't matter, his does. (tphyll@aol.com)