(updated 23 Mar 08) 

(Hosted by Mindchaff)

If there are no stupid questions, then...

Well this is my second time around judging this contest and I’m ready to throw in the towel. Not one of you came up with the original quote (even though you would have been disqualified) for this: “If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” ...Scott Adams. But I must say overall a lot of yours were just as stupidly clever. So without further ado, the winners are:

But, first this ado...because it is a holiday everyone picked today gets Double Points. Yes...if you read the forum, you'd know this stuff. Hint hint. - Cadeaux

If there are no stupid questions, then...what the hell am I going to do with all these stupid answers? (rampage1984@msn.com; tphyll@aol.com; and many more)

If there are no stupid questions, then...why do we get nothing but stupid answers out of Washington? (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...obviously my wife is not around. (skibip@aol.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...you're watching, "Deal, Or No Deal". (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Okay ladies, open the cases…but keep your lovely mouths shut!.

If there are no stupid questions, then... how do you account for Senate hearings? (edprocoat@msn.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then... I can win a fortune on Jeopardy. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...my lawyer must be really smart. (retrometro@rogers.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...I'm not really married. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)
You are! Remember her stupid answer: “I do.”

If there are no stupid questions, then...here are your MicroSoft ID badges. (jaberwok@yahooy.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...what really is the velocity of an unladen swallow? (guitartexn@aol.com) Ummm...a lot faster than a fat pregnant one?

If there are no stupid questions, then... there must be a moratorium on White House press conferences. (gerg17@comcast.net; tphyll@aol.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then... ..why is there no satisfactory answer to the question "Do you know why I pulled you over?" (lilfishjean@sbcglobal.net) Dunno...ask Mel Gibson.

If there are no stupid questions, then...why did my Magic 8-Ball just throw up! (maxcel200@aol.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...George Carlin can now retire (PLEEEEEEZE). (muck55@aol.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then...you must be a friggin' genius! (e-merlin001@hotmail.com)

Politics has truly died. (ryanmauger@sbcglobal.net)

If there were no stupid questions, then...your wife would have nothing to say. (ryanmauger@sbcglobal.net)

If there are no stupid questions, then...we're just a bunch of smart asses! (dpittenger@csuchico.edu)

If there are no stupid questions, then...my mother-in-law must have finally died. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com) Too bad she left all of them to your wife in her will.

If there are no stupid questions, then...how would we know who the stupid people are? (flynnkj19@aol.com) THEY are usually the ones wearing the t-shirt that says “I’m with stupid“!

If there are no stupid questions, then...why the ground approaching so rapidly after I drove off the bridge after crashing through the 'bridge closed' sign after doing happy hour at the local bar after dropping out of my GED courses after figuring out that seven years was enough of that? (gerg17@comcast.net)

If there are no stupid questions, then...why, after spending $4000 for food, $2,000 for a banquet hall, $2,000 for a photographer, $3,000 for flowers and $5000 for a getaway in Tahiti, does my minister still ask if I want to "take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife"? (Maxcel200@aol.com)

If there are no stupid questions, then... my family reunions are gonna be really quiet. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com) Nobody really wants to know the answer to “Has Uncle Charlie stopped exposing himself in public?“.

Must be ten million patents pending:

If there are no stupid questions, then...my boss will work on inventing them. (rampage1984@msn.com)