(updated 28 Apr 07) 

No news is...
(Suggested by NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

No news is...nerve-wracking when you're waiting on your pregnancy test. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net; wedrixe@netscape.net)

No news is... better than watching Katie Couric. (Eleman8859@aol.com)

No news is...plural and past tense in Orkian for 'nanu nanu'. (guitartexn@aol.com; jnmcda0@yahoo.com) You two guys not only amaze, but scare me.

No news is...an easy way to tell that your Blackberry is not working properly. (rickandvirginia@comcast.net)

No news is...too inconsequential to convince the media not to broadcast it. (rod.renner@juno.com) Yes, but the ones doing the convincing ARE the media.

No news is...as important as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, or Britney Spears forgetting to wear panties or going to rehab for 12 hours. (jnmcda0@yahoo.com; scalpel@aol.com)

No news is... what you get when you tune into Fox. (AuntShecky711@aol.com; candaceelder2002@yahoo.com)

No news is... time to make crap up! (Enquirer, anyone?) (tainsam@aol.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) New York Times, Dan Rather, USA Today...hell, the only people who DON'T make up news stories it seems IS HMO's Mediacrity!

No news is..."My deepest desirification these days." (From George W.'s diary, April, 2007) (G.Anderson4245@comcast.net)

No news is...better than no sex! (rickandvirginia@comcast.net) Always sex...there always has to be at least one reference to sex.

No news is...worth my paying an extra $60 a month so I can have 3 CNN channels all playing the same thing in different time zones. (ltldollclaudia@yahoo.com)

No news is...not much without Huey Lewis. (steve_medel@oxy.com; Eleman8859@aol.com) Yeah, and Huey Lewis is going so strong nowadays.

No news is... the leading cause of high unemployment rates among paper boys. (hunkaspam@yahoo.com)

No news is...a sure sign you've forgotten to pay your cable bill. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com; luganrn77@yahoo.com)

No news is...all you're gonna get from Don Imus now! (That crappy-headed blo'ho') (TheEyeWit@yahoo.com)

No news is... a spoonerism for rhinoplasty surgery. (tainsam@aol.com) ...or if you prefer...

No news is... precisely what Ashley Simpson got. No, wait, that was NEW NOSE. (dinosaur1972@aol.com)

No news is... bad news when you need to change the bird cage liner. (stan@squidworks.com)

Yes, but you DO remember the weather...you know, 'weather' or not she had big ones...'weather' or not you'd do her...

No news is...what you remember when you watch the Naked News. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)