(updated 3 Jan 05) 

...will get you nowhere.

Expecting a man to ask for directions...will get you nowhere. (pjb1671@yahoo.com)

Arguing with the DMV clerk...will get you nowhere. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Unless there are 57 people behind you, then it will get your tires slashed.

Any directions containing the phrase "and then turn about a mile before you get to the water tower"... will get you nowhere. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Erewhon...will get you nowhere. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Don't make us get cerebral this early in the year.

A car on cinder blocks on the lawn in front of your house...will get you nowhere. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

NO, it's FLATTERY, flatulence...will get you nowhere. (edprocoat@msn.com)

Making all left turns...will get you nowhere. (dspur57098@aol.com)

Buying a boob job for your wife's sister...will get you nowhere. (jcnewt@aol.com)

Obviously, starting your comedy career at HMO...will get you nowhere. (edprocoat@msn.com) Uh...you trying to say that really wasn't Craig Ferguson who set up that meeting with me tomorrow at the Econo Lodge???

If you ever answer yes to the question "Does my bum look big in this?", all the flowers in the world...will get you nowhere. (sheafitz1@netscape.com)

Telling the woman at the bar that you own a napkin once used by Don Knotts...will get you nowhere. (RWich928@aol.com) Ya never know...you ever try hitting on those really hot women from TAGSRWC?

Learning Klingon to impress potential dates...will get you nowhere. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

An elevator in a single story building...will get you nowhere. (frajomo@netscape.net)

Well, the paperwork does make a lovely coaster...

The frequent flyer miles you saved from TWA...will get you nowhere. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)