(updated 11 Oct 04) 

...don't say anything at all.
(Topic suggested by Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

If your alibi isn't airtight, don't say anything at all. (khalazdad@adelphia.net)

Chico, Groucho, Gummo and Zeppo Marx speaking (in unison) to their brother, Harpo..."If you can't answer one simple question...don't say anything at all!" (precious110252@aol.com)

If you won't talk dirty to me...don't say anything at all. (mykehalpinstudio@aol.com)

Instead of submitting a dozen really lame MISSQUOTES entries just to keep pace with your silly brother (richdiandkids@optonline.net) in some weird, unhealthy kind of sibling rivalry contest... Mom always liked me best anyway...don't say anything at all. (DaJakAiss@Aol.com) Dick Smothers?

To be sure your relatives got home okay after a long trip, use the "Cheat The Phone Company" trick...have them call you collect, but...don't say anything at all. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I would watch "The View" if they...don't say anything at all. (MrglsJon@aol.com)

If your name is Helen Keller...don't say anything at all. (Mistahtom@Aol.com) Yeah, especially since she's DEAD.

For the love of all that is decent and holy, if you are watching a movie in a theater and are surrounded by paying customers who paid good money to see the feature...don't say anything at all. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

If you're uninsured and you accidentally clip a Lexus in the mall parking lot...don't say anything at all. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

If your breath is so bad that your own nose hairs fell out...don't say anything at all. (colie7922@aol.com)

If you're getting on an airplane and another passenger is a young guy with a beard, a turban, a wild look in his eyes and wearing a heavy coat in July, you'd be a schmuck if you...don't say anything at all. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

If you can't agree with everything I say...don't say anything at all. (Kalcheff96@aol.com; WJKbase@aol.com)

If you often want to talk, and just about every time you do, you find yourself groveling on the ground, complemented with a bloody nose and black eye it's probably better if you just...don't say anything at all. (sasquatch27@juno.com)

Now remember, Mr. President, at the Debate, if you can't say anything intelligent ...don't say anything at all. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

If you pass gas, smile and ...don't say anything at all. (ubinrude@peoplepc.com)

Don't wanna rouse the rowdies on the forum? Just read the messages and...don't say anything at all. (junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) Hey, isn't that the purpose of the forum?? Speaking of which...this is the perfect time to go to the forum and jump right in. :)

If you talk like Mike Tyson...don't say anything at all. (jdcoops3@aol.com)

If you can't remember my name the next morning...don't say anything at all. (Lil0kimie@aol.com)

If you're tongue-tied and can't come up with gems like Samuel Goldwyn...don't say anything at all. (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

When the police read your rights...don't say anything at all. (archerjoe@hotmail.com) Especially when those COPs cameras are rolling...and you're in your underwear.

If you can't speak without spitting on me...don't say anything at all. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

If you're arguing with someone who can kick your ass...don't say anything at all. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

If you can't say, "I'm sorry for laughing at your new hair cut," without laughing again...don't say anything at all. (chharget@aol.com)

If you're called to testify against the mob ...don't say anything at all. (MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com) Or you might find yourself never saying anything at all...ever again.

If you really want to piss off your spouse who is spoiling for a good fight, just keep smiling and...don't say anything at all. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

The kid can hear you moan in the next room, so...don't say anything at all. (MooseSpeak@netscape.net)

If your wife thinks the gift-boxed nightie she found in your car trunk was for her...don't say anything at all. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

To piss off Alex Trebek, I like to buzz in then...don't say anything at all. (richdiandkids@optonline.net)

The condom broke?...don't say anything at all. (phaartking@yahoo.com)

It's amazing how much TV time our Presidential candidates can use talking but they ...don't say anything at all. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

Most friends couldn't remember anyway...

After the bachelor party, real friends...don't say anything at all. (astae@paonline.com)