(updated 12 Sep 08) 

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Think what a better world it would be if...

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap. Barbara Jordan (Famous African-American attorney and member of the United States House of Representatives, 1973-1979). Well that sure is a warm and fuzzy thought but pales in comparison to the stark humor of our winning captions below. (Who also all get double the normal Rat's Asses.)

Think what a better world it would be if...I had a dollar for every time someone said this. And, if each dollar turned into a Euro. (stan@squidworks.com)

Think what a better world it would be if...chocolate was a diet food. (YeIIowRoseOTX@aol.com)

Think what a better world it would be if...they made a reality TV show that was real. (retrometro@rogers.com) I guess you saw the recent political conventions.

Think what a better world it would be if...people did things my way. (archerjoe@hotmail.com). YOU’D probably call it ‘teamwork’!

Think what a better world it would be if...if I didn't have to type my damn email address with each freaking entry. (davidgotribe@aol.com) News flash! The better world is called ‘cut and paste‘.

Think what a better world it would be if...Humormeonline became everybody's home-page. This is a paid political commercial, and I approve this ad. (tphyll@aol.com) Okay, but let’s not go to the putting lipstick on the Cad card.

Think what a better world it would be if... I could pay my mortgage with RatsAsses. (stan@squidworks.com) You can... if you live in a hole in the wall!

Think what a better world it would be if...every mouthful on our lips didn't add to extra inches on our hips. (WJKbase@aol.com)

Think what a better world it would be if... men had to wear shock collars below the belt, and women had the remote control. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) One sure way to tell a man to buzz off!

Think what a better world it would be if...Joan Rivers still had her old face. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Think what a better world it would be if... all men were created equal from the waist down. Plus think of the batteries we'd be saving! (AntKitty@antics.org)

Think what a better world it would be if...Santa Claus was real and Donald Trump wasn't. (tphyll@aol.com)

Think what a better world it would be if... the world would wait for me until I've had my 4th cup of coffee in the morning. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

And now the proud winner who is now SURE to toot his own horn...

Think what a better world it would be if...you slow ass driving mofo's would only move to the freaking right! (davidgotribe@aol.com)