(updated 14 Jul 03) 

If you can't say something nice...

If you can't say something nice...then you belong here at HMO with your fellow misanthropes. Venting through humor is both fun and educational. (comedian2000@hotmail.com) Yes, we know - everyone sent a variation of this one.

If you can't say something nice...you're probably Simon Cowell. (Baitsmotel6@aol.com; archerjoe@hotmail.com)

If you can't say something nice...you must have just watched the news. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

If you can't say something nice...you're married (rem7202@aol.com) But that's only not saying something nice "to each other".

If you can't say something nice...you probably work for "The Enquirer". (GerriHan65@aol.com; rampage1984@msn.com)

If you can't say something nice...you may have wandered into a redneck convention. (rose_justice@msn.com)

If you can't say something nice...you're probably from New York. (xslickdaddiex@aol.com; junkmailmagnet42@aol.com) Hey, don't forget us Jersey people, dammit.....moron.

If you can't say something nice...make the insult really count. (IR2Odie@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice...make sure you duck! (mykehalpinstudio@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice...send it in a HALLMARK card. (Lil0kimie@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice..you must be watching 'From Justin to Kelley'. (corabelle@comic.com) If you are watching that...you probably aren't going to "get" this entry.

If you can't say something nice...be a comedian, then everyone just thinks you are joking. (flynnkj19@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice...then maybe it's time to take a break from your job as an anger management counselor. (fbmarz@earthlink.net)

If you can't say something nice...consider a career as a mime. (SSilverDolphin@aol.com; drgntmr@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice...use hand gestures. (TerriKlein@aol.com) Yeah, I know a couple really good ones.

If you can't say something nice... Then you'll fit right in with my family. (jenwilde@aol.com)

If you can't say something nice... get somebody else to make your answering machine announcement. (TwoNaughtyKitties@comcast.net)

If you can't say something nice...just let loose and claim to have Tourette's Syndrome. (kamasushi@aol.com;SugarBaybee69@aol.com)

"Hmmm...now what's another word for 'irritating jerk'?"...

If you can't say something nice...then writing obituaries for a living probably isn't such a great career choice. (MedCheryl@aol.com)