(updated 21 Jun 05) 

If you can't beat 'em...

If you can't beat 'em... you've left them in the shell again. . .idiot! (kester55@netzero.net)

If you can't beat 'em...propose a merger! (cmndrnineveh@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em... hope you can run faster than 'em. (jisargent66@yahoo.com; WJKbase@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em...try a little lubrication and some porn. (watch4whales@yahoo.com)

If you can't beat 'em...bullshit them. (wintermaza@hotmail.com)

If you can't beat 'em... hire someone else to do it for you! (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com; taigirl@hotmail.com)

If you can't beat 'em...act like you let 'em win.. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Hey...they're only 3 and 5 years old, dammit...you're SUPPOSED to let them win!

If you can't beat 'em...those parenting classes are working wonders. (maxcel200@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em...you must be a public school instructor. (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

If you can't beat 'em...cheat 'em (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com; murdoctor@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em... maybe you should be the bass player instead. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com)

If you can't beat 'em...get a bigger club. (dakotadave57104@yahoo.com; wintermaza@hotmail.com)

If you can't beat 'em...maybe you can kick their kids' asses!! (jdcoops3@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em... spread false rumors about 'em (brat.cat@verizon.net; moxham4@hotmail.com) For $50 I'll even post it on my site!

If you can't beat 'em...subscribe them to every free trial magazine you can. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

If you can't beat 'em...phone the anonymous tip line and report 'em as selling cocaine from their house and dump powered baby formula around their door. (dorr@jam.rr.com)

If you can't beat 'em...never go to Vegas again, stupid! (NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

If you can't beat 'em...groin 'em (fnsquint2000)

If you can't beat 'em... they are obviously using steroids. (RWich928@aol.com)

If you can't beat 'em...you've got the start of another Rocky movie! (paracletus3@earthlink.net) What are they up to anyway...Rocky 13?

If you can't beat 'em...tell your girlfriend you did anyway. (rayj0109@gmail.com)

If you can't beat 'em...in federal court, file a civil lawsuit (mikepena@verizon.net)

If you can't beat 'em, why have kids? (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

If you can't beat 'em... graduate ahead of them in your class, hire them, string them along in a low-paying dead end job and then downsize 'em after you have drained them of any hope! (hash1029@netzero.net)

If you can't beat 'em... the boys will love it if you play Texas Hold'em with them. (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

So much for those career aptitude tests I took in high school...

If you can't beat 'em... don't become a dominatrix. (bhsmrtgrrl@yahoo.com; tphyll@aol.com)