(updated 29 Jan 03) 

If you can keep your head...

If you can keep your head...you obviously aren't a former wife of King Henry VIII. (chefrandy@charter.net; mcsestretch@hotmail.com)

If you can keep your head...giving girl friend happy, you'll never have to get married. (bchbums99@cox-internet.com)

If you can keep your head... in a freezer, then you are probably Ted Williams. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

If you can keep your head... pointed towards the TV when the Anna Nicole Show is on, then you have will power of steel. (rsherman@netplexgroup.com) Or you just might have lost the remote...or the will to live.

"If you can keep your head...you can make it through another Thanksgiving" says Tommy Turkey to his anxious nephew. (deezzine@aol.com)

If you can keep your head...you're doing better than most husbands. (fparsons@yahoo.com)

If you can keep your head...in the French Revolution, you're bloody lucky! (sport_fan001@hotmail.com; archerjoe@hotmail.com)

If you can keep your head... out of your a$$ for 10 minutes I might be able to explain something to you.... (sweetdixieanna@aol.com)

If you can keep your head...you can find out how J-Lo kept that green Versace dress on (Misssyprincess@aol.com) Something tells me even Cris Judd never found this out.

If you can keep your head...when all the idiots around you want to start a war, then you will be a man, my son. (MooseSpeak@earthlink.net)

If you can keep your head...your beer is too hot. (jankath614@hotmail.com)

If you can keep your head...on straight, you are not Linda Blair. (trlymurph@aol.com)

If you can keep your head...out of the fridge for more than ten minutes at a time maybe you can lose the weight, tubby! (steve_medel@oxy.com)

If you can keep your head...Austin Powers won't beat a joke to death about you. (Mistahtom@aol.com)

If you can keep your head...down there long enough I just might marry you. (amyjae419@aol.com) That's what they all say.

If you can keep your head...your homemade guillotine needs work. I've been working on mine and I'm going to try it out right n (JDPSharkie@aol.com)

If you can keep your head...you might be able to convince the state trooper you're not really drunk and the reason you walk funny is that one leg is shorter than the other. (JoyfulDJoy@aol.com)

If you can keep your head... then as a husband, you've done pretty well in divorce court bargaining. (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

If you can keep your head... out of the toilet, I'll buy you another beer. (RasGold@aol.com)

And to really make them wonder...whistle while you work...

If you can keep your head...in the clouds and keep reaching for the stars you'll get drug tested at work! (steve_medel@oxy.com)