(updated 2 Aug 04) 

There's no such thing as a free...
(Topic suggested by darkmanwork@hotmail.com)

There's no such thing as a free...launch! And that, Senator, is why NASA needs our budget upped by $2.7 Billion for 2005. (monetmonet@artlover.com)

Our three animal-friendly entries...

There's no such thing as a free...kitten. The darn thing will cost you about $10 grand throughout its life with food, doctor bills, spay/neuter, tags and toys; plus if it is male with a UTI, it has to become a female! (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

There's no such thing as a free...dog. First you have to pay to spay her, then you have to get all the pills for her gawdawful species diseases, and the rabies shots, and the stitches when she bites the kids because they pulled her ears too hard... (scalpel@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...Willy, sadly anymore. (davidgotribe@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free... sample from a hooker. (ukkfayooyay@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...digital camera on the Internet. (lacee7700@aol.com) Something tells me you found this out firsthand.

There's no such thing as a free...hand when you're cybering. (ltldollclaudia@yahoo.com)

There's no such thing as a free...masonry job. Every brick, every cornice is gonna cost ya! (Unless you know the secret handshake.) (HerzogVon@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free... man as long as there is ONE oppressed man in the world. (khalazdad@adelphia.net) And what about women...huh?

There's no such thing as a free...speech, check your phone bill. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free... humor website. You pay with your mind. (jimboflorida6@aol.com) Well, technically, if you're like me and lost yours long ago...

There's no such thing as a free...lunch...unless you find a bug in it! (drgntmr@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free... fall, you either pay to make the jump or you fall on accident and the medical bills are going to hurt as much as the landing. (Blazinice6@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...piece of ass, especially when you refer to us women as a "piece of ass". (Lil0kimie@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...Health Program...except as a political promise before election time. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...dom fries. They're French fries, damnit! (tygrkhat40@yahoo.com) Supposedly they are Belgian...but does Belgium really exist? <------ Yes, it's a link...click on it. :)

There's no such thing as a free...lunch; unless you count those dozen cookies from the blood mobile...ooo, I'm woozy... (deweyever@attbi.com)

There's no such thing as a free... election. They cost major corporations and special interest groups millions. (stoneguy@bellsouth.net)

There's no such thing as a free... card which gets you out of jail. Bribing juries takes REAL money. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

There's no such thing as a freebaloobaleckter -- so I'm done checking under your bed, GO TO SLEEP! (monetmonet@artlover.com)

There's no such thing as a free...energy process since the third law of thermodynamics clearly states that round-trip cycles must always end up with a net gain of entropy. ;) (topsquark@yahoo.com) Speaking of entropy...I prefer to remain inert.

There's no such thing as a free... 30 day trial! You know once you get the piece of crap you'll never get off your fat ass and send it back! (BRE727@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free haircut...unless you rode with Custer. (maxcel200@aol.com)

There's no such thing as a free...free...free...freeking cure for stuttering! (customerwaller@cox.net)

There's no such thing as a free...ride in a police car. I hate that damn false advertising "free ride in police car if caught shoplifting". (dzed68@yahoo.com)

Yeah...and what are the chances there will be a need for them...

There's no such thing as a free...Kobe T-shirt...yet. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)