(updated 9 Jul 04) 

Charity begins...
(Topic suggested by NITRAMXXX@AOL.COM)

Charity begins...to really annoy me when they tell me there is a minimum donation of $25.00. (caro6380@yahoo.com.au)

Charity begins...the alphabetized list of virtues....because C comes before Faith and Hope. (skibip@aol.com)

Charity begins...somewhere else than at my house. (marymarg27608@yahoo.com)

Charity begins...as a tax deduction. (dzed68@yahoo.com; moxham4@hotmail.com)

Charity begins...to poke me, so I poke her back. Then she gets mad when I shoot bottle-rockets at her, and shoves lit sparklers in my pants, and just when we starting to have fun...Mom takes the M80 from me, and Dad says, "Don't make me turn this car around, because I will, godammit." (chough3499@aol.com) Friends, don't let friends submit entries after drinking their weight in beer at the 4th of July cookout.

Charity begins...when you realize your popularity ratings are down so appearing at some $2,000 per plate charity dinner will touch the hearts and wallets of so many big wigs. (Faerie4H@aol.com)

Charity begins...with a shotgun in a dark alley. (e-marlon@sio.midco.net)

Charity begins...when you can't do anything else to get that vagrant to stop cleaning your windshield. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Charity begins...when someone finally lays your ugly ass! (BRE727@aol.com) Ouch! I didn't think I looked THAT bad.

Charity begins...as soon as the Girl Scouts knock on your door with Thin Mints in their hands. (MaislosMom@comcast.net)

Charity begins...right before the pacemaker fails. (william.fishburne@verizon.net) Yeah, kinda hard to try to buy your way into heaven AFTER it fails.

Charity begins...dancing at eight. Don't forget your singles! (mikepena@socal.rr.com)

Charity begins...in the bedroom. Give till it hurts. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)

Charity begins... with HMO! So come on and donate a prize or something! (murdoctor@aol.com) Hey, I didn't send this, honest!

Charity begins...apparently with my paycheck judging from some of the absurdities my taxes pay for. (pjb1671@netscape.net)

Charity begins...when Charity's parents' condom breaks. (Pootybrew@goosemoose.com)

Charity begins...when hell freezes over (then all you bums can have free snowcones). (farmermaslen@hotmail.com) Something tells me you're not the president of your neighbourhood welcoming committee.

Charity begins...with the needy and ends up with the greedy! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Charity begins... to get on your nerves about 17 hours into the Labor Day telethon. (joseph.blevins@verizon.net)

Charity begins...with some type of guilt trip! (davidgotribe@aol.com; CoyPsyche@aol.com)

Charity begins...with a coat of alms. (tphyll@aol.com)

Charity begins... with a "C" as in "Cash", "Check", and "Credit Card" so pay up! (archerjoe@hotmail.com)

And what they won't accept, you can always sell on eBay...

Charity begins...when you still have junk left over from the yard sale. (SPTirish@aol.com; jnmcda0@yahoo.com)