News That's Unfair & Off-Balance
(updated 14 Jun 07)
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It's Simply Flabulous!
(Headline loaded in by GerriHan65@aol.com)
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (The Times) -- Leonard Nimoy, 76, the erstwhile Spock of Star Trek fame, has lived long & prospered as a photographer as well. His new exhibition, "THE FULL BODY PROJECT", is a pictorial study of nudes. Very obese nudes. About his subjects, Nimoy said: "These women are interested in fat liberation. Their self-esteem is strong. Too many people suffer because the body they live in is not the body you find in the fashion magazines."
(Story porked in by NITRAMXXX@aol.com)
It's all very largical! (email@example.com) It's all downhill from here, gang....
Maybe Nimoy needs to go "in search of" another hobby. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
In other news, former President Bill Clinton has been seen shopping for homes in the Los Angeles area. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
It is only logical to assume that this exhibit will have a huge turn out (or is that fall out?). (email@example.com) They done fell out already, and have carpet burns on them.
Or in other words, thin, hot chicks wouldn't let a 76-year-old guy take naked pictures of them. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
Which in Nimoy's world, one picture is worth a 1,000 pounds. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I imagine they had to be photographed with a wide lens. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; email@example.com & a fat roll of others) More to the point:
Added Nimoy, "If I hear *one* more crack about needing wide lenses for this project, I swear I'm gonna break out the Vulcan Death Grip!" (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Do you think he had to borrow the Hubble Space Telescope to get the widest lens possible? (GerriHan65@aol.com) OK, OK, I think that gag's been flogged to death....
You see fat people in fashion magazines all the time - they are the BEFORE picture. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
There already IS a fat liberation movement. It's called Jenny Craig... (GerriHan65@aol.com)
Rounding up the models proved easy enough. He just went to "Star Trek" convention, i.e. fat chick paradise. (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org & several others who've never kissed a girl) Funny.... one of them looks a lot like your sister....
According to Nimoy: "a woman being a bit chunky can look stunning and that should never phaser." (email@example.com)
Nimoy has been warned about if just one obese woman is extremely dissatisfied, they may get up and leave. Sort of the "Fats Domino" theory. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
One thing you can say about Nimoy's chubby paintings is he got the pigmentation right. (email@example.com) Hey, a funny jab. Too bad the article was about photography! ;)
I saw these woman modeling in fashion magazines...oh wait ...it was drapes. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Mr Nimoy's interests covers a broad spectrum of photography (email@example.com) ....of a spectrum of broad broads, yeah, we know....
One of the photos is actually of Shatner -- and it's not the one you think. (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com)
Leonard learned early that to get that certain smile just before he snapped the picture, he'd hold up a three-foot Snicker's bar. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Well, holding up three inches isn't going to get a reaction out of anybody.
If I want that many folds, I'll buy a Shar-Pei. (GerriHan65@aol.com)
Uh...where can I find a copy of this book? Mmmmmm....big chicks. (email@example.com) What the hell goes on up there at Bryant?
He had them relax by doing Yoga Bare. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
256 channels and there isn't ONE show that will give this has-been a cameo so he isn't publicizing his chunk fetish? (email@example.com) Sadly, Priceline cameos with Shatner are the best he can do.
Please tell me he's not still writing poetry, at least. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor - but I can't doctor these up! (I know, wrong character, but I thought good premise nonetheless, plus I'm headed out the door and I'm late.) (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)
The Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - His ears really got pricked up:
He added, "Kirk liked the skinny green bitches, but the hefty babes make this Vulcan get long and perspire. (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
The Silver Shytekicker - The pictures aren't pun-ishment enough?
Nimoy suggested that a woman's stomach outer fat layer is the 'final front tier'. (email@example.com)
And our Golden Gunkchunker - An uplifting title that'll give you a bad hernia:
The collection is referred to as "Prints of Whales". (firstname.lastname@example.org)