News That's Unfair & Off-Balance

(updated 14 Jun 07)

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It's Simply Flabulous!
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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (The Times) -- Leonard Nimoy, 76, the erstwhile Spock of Star Trek fame, has lived long & prospered as a photographer as well. His new exhibition, "THE FULL BODY PROJECT", is a pictorial study of nudes. Very obese nudes. About his subjects, Nimoy said: "These women are interested in fat liberation. Their self-esteem is strong. Too many people suffer because the body they live in is not the body you find in the fashion magazines."
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It's all very largical! ( It's all downhill from here, gang....

Maybe Nimoy needs to go "in search of" another hobby. (

In other news, former President Bill Clinton has been seen shopping for homes in the Los Angeles area. (

It is only logical to assume that this exhibit will have a huge turn out (or is that fall out?). ( They done fell out already, and have carpet burns on them.

Or in other words, thin, hot chicks wouldn't let a 76-year-old guy take naked pictures of them. (

Which in Nimoy's world, one picture is worth a 1,000 pounds. (

I imagine they had to be photographed with a wide lens. (; & a fat roll of others) More to the point:

Added Nimoy, "If I hear *one* more crack about needing wide lenses for this project, I swear I'm gonna break out the Vulcan Death Grip!" (

Do you think he had to borrow the Hubble Space Telescope to get the widest lens possible? ( OK, OK, I think that gag's been flogged to death....

You see fat people in fashion magazines all the time - they are the BEFORE picture. (;

There already IS a fat liberation movement. It's called Jenny Craig... (

Rounding up the models proved easy enough. He just went to "Star Trek" convention, i.e. fat chick paradise. (; & several others who've never kissed a girl) Funny.... one of them looks a lot like your sister....

According to Nimoy: "a woman being a bit chunky can look stunning and that should never phaser." (

Nimoy has been warned about if just one obese woman is extremely dissatisfied, they may get up and leave. Sort of the "Fats Domino" theory. (

One thing you can say about Nimoy's chubby paintings is he got the pigmentation right. ( Hey, a funny jab. Too bad the article was about photography! ;)

I saw these woman modeling in fashion magazines...oh wait was drapes. (

Mr Nimoy's interests covers a broad spectrum of photography ( ....of a spectrum of broad broads, yeah, we know....

One of the photos is actually of Shatner -- and it's not the one you think. (;

Leonard learned early that to get that certain smile just before he snapped the picture, he'd hold up a three-foot Snicker's bar. ( Well, holding up three inches isn't going to get a reaction out of anybody.

If I want that many folds, I'll buy a Shar-Pei. (

Uh...where can I find a copy of this book? Mmmmmm....big chicks. ( What the hell goes on up there at Bryant?

He had them relax by doing Yoga Bare. (

256 channels and there isn't ONE show that will give this has-been a cameo so he isn't publicizing his chunk fetish? ( Sadly, Priceline cameos with Shatner are the best he can do.

Please tell me he's not still writing poetry, at least. (

Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor - but I can't doctor these up! (I know, wrong character, but I thought good premise nonetheless, plus I'm headed out the door and I'm late.) (

The Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - His ears really got pricked up:

He added, "Kirk liked the skinny green bitches, but the hefty babes make this Vulcan get long and perspire. (

The Silver Shytekicker - The pictures aren't pun-ishment enough?

Nimoy suggested that a woman's stomach outer fat layer is the 'final front tier'. (

And our Golden Gunkchunker - An uplifting title that'll give you a bad hernia:

The collection is referred to as "Prints of Whales". (