News That's Unfair & Off-Balance

(updated 15 Mar 08)

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Manny Tranny
(Headline minced in by LouMizzou@yahoo.com)

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS (A.P.) A killer who sued to have a sex change claims her body is becoming more masculine again because she's being denied treatment as she awaits a ruling in her bid for the surgery. Michelle Kosilek, formerly known as Robert, said "My breasts have shrunk, genitals have regained previous size and function, facial hair is thicker and scalp hair is thinner, all related to an elevated testosterone level." Kosilek was sentenced to life in prison in the 1990 murder of his wife. He said the slaying was self-defense after she poured boiling tea on his genitals.
(Story whipped in by ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

Kosilek was sentenced to life in prison in the 1990 murder of his wife. He said the slaying was self-defense after she poured boiling tea on his genitals... mistaking them for tea bags (Onefriendsreply2@aol.com)

Stuff, tuck, and shave, Robert! (flynnkj19@aol.com) Don't forget the duct tape!

Kosilek is a Paranoid Schizophrenic with a weird twist. He needs another Schizophrenic to "sign" for him to understand the voices. (humorbear@aol.com)

The question "Whatever happened to Michael Dukakis?" is answered. (seeker@vcoms.net) Funny, I thought the answer was "Who gives an aerial copulation at a rotating pastry?"

Charlize Theron turned it down, but Pat from SNL has agreed to play Kosilek in the upcoming film "Monster II." (gerg17@comcast.net)

Poor guy/gal..just wants to get rid of a little of that Boston Mass (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

NYC Ex-mayor Rudy Guliani does a little transvestiting...told Kosilek about losing his girlish figure...Rudy said: "Just don't go down to Florida, you'll lose it all." (humorbear@aol.com) That's what he gets for depending on a bunch of Tampans.

You just know they stuffed the ballot box.

Might his/her real intention be to file a new appeal, claiming innocence on the grounds that the killer was a man? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

And men call ME a ball-buster. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

Although disappointed, Kosilek is taking it like a man. (gerg17@comcast.net)

Get about three more like Kosilek in stir, you'll have the whole world, "scared straight." (humorbear@aol.com) Oh, really?:

Finally, something gays & straights can agree on: hating transsexuals for not being able to make up their minds. (LouMizzou@yahoo.com) Film on a TV at 11.

Well, that's what happens when one is forced to get sex-change treatment from a "male order company." (sadsack59@hotmail.com)

He should see what it's like to go through a yeast infection and his first period. (retrometro@rogers.com) That proves he's nuts; he can't wait!

The Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - Not according to Alex "Buttmunch" Trebek:

So, Michelle is the same person as Robert was, turning back into Robert. However, since they both are technically the same person, neither of them can be tried for the same crime twice because of the double jeopardy law. Correct? (retrometro@rogers.com)

The Silver Shytekicker - Most guys just shoot steroids into their "package", but:

If all it takes is pouring boiling water on my genitals and murdering my wife to become more masculine, I'm booking the honeymoon suite. (seeker@vcoms.net)

And our Golden Gunkchunker - It sure gave those men a pause:

After being thoroughly examined by doctors, Kosilek conceded that the physical changes were not in fact due to lack of treatment, but were a result of having just turned into a 40 year old woman. (loonalupe@rogers.com)