(updated 16 Feb 06)

Hosted by Bucko

The Rat Stuff
(Header suggested by Airfarcewon@aol.com)

La Verne, CA (Inland Valley Bulletin) -- Katie's Pet Depot is one of the few grooming salons in the country... for rats. Customers began requesting rat pampering soon after the store opened. A special $10 treatment includes a waterless lustrous-coat shampoo that "smells sweet", claw-clipping, and flea & mite treatment. Employees began researching rats and even adopted some. "We need to be there for ALL our clients," said "Rat Stylist" Karri Garrison.
(Topic suggested by LouMizzou@yahoo.com, the vermin)

I hear Ben and Willard both dropped in for a raticure. (Airfarcewon@aol.com; GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Gotta get Elmer ready for the WestAlley rat show! (maxcel200@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Paris Hilton keeps dropping off her damned rat-dog - but for $1000 bucks a pop, we won't be telling her any time soon. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; Pootybrew@goosemoose.com) I had several really filthy "Paris Hilton" tags.... couldn't settle on just one.

Jeez.....I wonder if many of the politicians have heard of this grooming salon. They'd have to book appointments months in advance. (WJKbase@aol.com; scalpel@aol.com, many other Inrodentent voters)

I want Ben to look his best, so give him your best "Vermanent". (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Sheesh, for $10 I can buy two NEW rats. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; Old.Curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

I sure hope those hair care products aren't tested on animals. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Nope. They test them on unshaven porn stars.

They are also installing UV tanning booths because everybody likes rattan. (mashallaha@aol.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

$10?? Usually I just strap my rat to the hood of my car and pay the $4.50 for the ultra deluxe. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Just how do you "research" a rat? (jaberwock@yahooy.com) Buy it dinner first....

I guess this means we'll be seeing one of those old Cagney film clip commercials with him saying "You dirty rat..." (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com; old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com, & other dirty brothers who killed my rat)

Now, if only there was a place that pampered my flying monkey... (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

'Rat Stylist?' Geez...I thought that stupid band was history. (ParisIuvsMe@aol.com) Nope. Just changed their name to 'Aerosmith'.

The "Rat Stylist" created this to try to give her husband a better image. He's a combined criminal defense attorney and proctologist. (tphyll@aol.com; Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Karri is well known in the community as "three toes" due to an unfortunate accident involving a banana, a chigger, and, of course, an all-terrain vehicle. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

Early customers included Frank Sinatra, Peter Lawford, Joey Bishop, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. (skibip@aol.com) If you don't get this one: 1) Head to the video rental store & expand your cultural literacy. 2) No "DAMN, you're old!" remarks to those who did.

I bet it'd be fun to bring in one of those hairless rats and scream 'What did you do to Mister Squeakers?!" (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

Karri received her degree in Rat Beautification after her previous careers in TV/VCR repair and Album Design Cover Artist didn't pan out. (holtbolt@comcast.net) Where would we be without the vocational guidance of matchbook covers and comic books?

They also teach rats how to knit. The class is called Rat-a-Tat. (tphyll@aol.com)

FINALLY, a beauty salon for my mother-in-law! (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Yesterday, fourteen mice were arrested for demonstrating and picketing outside the shop, demanding to receive the same services. Their lawyer is claiming entrapment. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Why are rat testicles so big? (timamod@aol.com) Why are yours so SMALL? ;)

The rats really don't like it. They keep getting razzed by their back-alley buddies -- "Ooo! Don't you smell sweet", and "Eating grease off a plate now, are we sissy boy?", and so on and so forth. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Now snake owners can show their love by only feeding their babies the best-groomed rats in town. (thedraugr@yahoo.com; pennhead@gmail.com)

It would never be popular in Alabama...in that part of the country rats is good vittles. (Cantw82paint@aol.com) They also use them as sex toys there. More, I will not say.

I've got a special 'rat-dip' too. Funny thing is, they all turn out pink and hairless afterwards...guess I'll have to rethink the ingredient composition! (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Yeah, I'd like to see 'em handle one of those New York rats the size of beavers. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Segue to:

I assume, then, that they won't have a problem doing my beaver. (stigg@cs.com)

Honorable Mention - So, who stole the idea from whom?:

THIS explains the Susan Powter look. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Rat Race Runner-Up - Like father, like son:

I know a Rat that's getting a mohawk soon.. Ohhyah. (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

And the Winner - Does he mean insects or "that last hit"?:

Forget the rats! Who wants to buy my famous "Roach Polish"? (deweywins@yahoo.com)