News That's Unfair & Off-Balance

(updated 24 Aug 08)

Hosted by Bucko

That's the Way Mercedes Bends
(Headline by pick-up artist Airfarcewon@aol.com)

RENO, NEVADA (Gazette-Journal) Reno Homicide detective David Jenkins was sitting in his unmarked car (with emergency lights on the dash & a police radio blaring away) when Mercedes Green, 19, hopped in and, yelling to be heard over the radio, propositioned him for sex. "You're not the police, are you?" she asked. "What do you think?" he said. "I didn't think so," the streetwise woman replied. After her arrest, Green explained: "You wear glasses, and I didn't think police could wear them."

Did this hooker, by any chance, have blonde hair? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Authorities administered not only a breathalyzer test, but an IQ test as well. Sadly, she failed both. (arlenekader@aol.com) Not to mention the Wasserman test.

Can't wear glasses? Oh yes, we should always screen for police officers just like we do for jet fighter pilots. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

Actually, this is a sophisticated and fairly subtle form of Bondage & Discipline. (seeker@vcoms.net)

I wonder. Is it possible to be streetwise and retarded at the same time?
(tpanner@hotmail.com; tphyll@aol.com)

It's a wonder she didn't ask him for his gun. (retrometro@rogers.com) She did. Just not that kind of "gun".

After those parasites get to a certain point in the brain... (seeker@vcoms.net)

Yeah, and like Mercedes Green is her real name, too! Next week she'll be Beamer White. (skibip@aol.com) But the headlights will be the same. Plastic.

At first, when Mercedes green saw the flashing blue lights from a distance, she thought it was a K-Mart special....It turned out she was the one who needed glasses. (retrometro@rogers.com)

"The other cop gave me $10 if I could get you." (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

A beautiful illustration of why most hookers wouldn't qualify to work at the counter at a Jack in the Box. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Actually, she was trying to get a JOHN in the- never mind.

He's a detective in an unmarked car! He's not SUPPOSED to look like a cop! (retrometro@rogers.com)

Everybody knows they can wear glasses, you moron. It's HATS! They can't wear HATS! (Truckerex@comcast.net) Oh, he had a "hat" on, alright!

That's the same thing *I* said to the policeman. (ponytayl@cox.net)

Apparently, in Reno, justice is blind and the police are deaf. (retrometro@rogers.com)

The Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - Making a complete ass of herself costs extra:

She was looking to make some John dough. (tphyll@aol.com)

The Silver Shytekicker - Proving once again that fruit is a natural for sex:

Detective Jenkins was offered so much head that he was compelled to read Ms. Green her Carmen Miranda rights. (maxcel200@aol.com)

And our Golden Gunkchunker - Did you have YOUR bowl of Fire Crotch Cereal today?:

Obviously, not a redhead. One, she wouldn't have been dumb enough to make the mistake. Two, he'd have given in. :) (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)