News That's Unfair & Off-Balance

(updated 26 Feb 08)

Hosted by Bucko

(Headline lisped in by

LONDON, UK (UKTV) Britons are losing their grip on reality. A poll showed that nearly a quarter think Winston Churchill was a myth, while the majority reckon Sherlock Holmes was real. India's Mahatma Gandhi & Battle of Waterloo victor the Duke of Wellington also appeared in the top 10 of people thought to be myths, along with Richard the Lionheart and Florence Nightingale.

Common sense should have told them that Churchill and Gandhi were not myths, they were mythters (; OK, now that the speech impediments are out of the way....

I knew it! I just knew it! When those reality shows hit British TV, I knew they'd lose it! (

Since most of them don't even know if their Scottish neighbor men wear 'panties' under their kilts, what more do you expect? (

The beginning of the Ghandi myth was enhanced when some Liverpool loser thought Mahatma was CEO of Weight Watchers. ( Speaking of Liverpool, where the hell has Slyph been lately?

When asked about Prince Charles and Camilla, they were forced to face the ugly truth (

It's a sure sign of early-onset mad cow disease. ( Cow? You mean the Queen or Princess Margaret?

To our British readers: Hell, no, I'm not apologizing.

British ophthalmologists have reported an increase in retina damage due to people searching for the Tellytubbies' 'baby face' sun. (

The same Britons, however, are convinced that "I Am The Walrus" played backwards, foretold the death of John Lennon. ( Thanks a lot. I tried that and got laser burns on my ass.

Don't ask.

I'm inclined to believe George W. Bush and the Prime Minister of Canada aren't real either....Call it wishful thinking. (

Wait until the next historical revision... Wellington was fat-ass overweight. Waterloo had him riding two horses at once ( He was pretty beefy.

They thought all these people were myths? This is unreal! (

Of course the British don't know any of those people....They're too occupied with the McCartney/Mills divorce case. (

What we have here is just a super, Brit mythunderstanding. (

I thought all of England was a myth. Wishes, wishes, wishes. Daaaaaamn, it's real. ( I'm Irish, I'm right there with ya.

It's nothing new. For generations of Britons, dental care has been thought to be a myth. ( See previous reference to Prince Charles & Camilla.

I can relate to this....I watched the OJ Simpson Trial for 3 seasons before I realized it was neither a daytime drama nor a reality show. (

The Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - In the only country to surrender faster than France:

This is so true...Waterloo was also mythologized to be a knock down drag out in and around some Belgium port-a-potties. (

The Silver Shytekicker - All that inbreeding does nothing for eyesight:

What about the myth that Camilla could be sexually attractive to any male on earth? (

And our Golden Gunkchunker - The real tragedy:

On Hamlet, Brits were divided on whether he was to be or not to be. (