(updated 2 Feb 06)

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BRUSSELS, BELGIUM (Expatica) -- Fertility experts say alarming numbers of women are choosing in-vitro fertilization, & not because of trouble conceiving; "fast track" pregnancies better fit their busy lifestyles. "Some people are horrified that they'd have to have sex 2 to 3 times a week to maximize the likelihood of conception." Sperm demand is high. One reason: more lesbian couples are seeking insemination. Another: a deluge of women from France & the Netherlands, due to severe sperm shortages there.
(Topic eased in by LouMizzou@yahoo.com)

Belgium..."fast track"...horrified of sex...Hey, if you're going to do a NYCM about Cad, why don't you just come out and say so? (HerzogVon@aol.com)

Just like the potato chip, have all you want, I'll make more. (Kamasushi@gmail.com)

I always knew the French had no balls. Now we have proof. (tphyll@aol.com; DLivermore2002@hotmail.com, and a big, wrinkled sack of other nuts)

If the thought of sex 2-3 times a week is horiffic to you, rent a gun and buy a bullet. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) No, no! STEAL the gun! Once you use it, what can they do to you?

Sperm shortages in France, or is it that the men are grossed out by female underarm hair? (holtbolt@comcast.net; Cantw82paint@Aol.com, others feeling down in the pits)

Anyone so busy as to be "horrified" by the thought of taking the time to have sex 2-3 times a week is sure to be an attentive parent. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com; mitchwatts@yahoo.com)

In-vitro fertilization! Severe sperm shortages! Horrified to have sex 2 or 3 times a week! WOW!! I'm finding this article 'Hard To Conceive'. (dennisilvr@aol.com) Uh, Dennis.... you were supposed to READ the article, not.... you know.

And with sperm demand so high, some Belgian men are going into business for themselves..and operating it by hand (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Which expains why so many kids today are video game junkies... they were born in-vitro reality. (maxcel200@aol.com)

In an unrelated item, it seems there may be a secret nerd convention. Sources say there has been an inordinate amount of unattractive, geeky men seeking their passports and reservations for flights to European countries. (Rabdredr@aol.com) Drop us a post card while you're there, eh?

Carry Me Back To Old Vagina... (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

As a matter of fact, the entire U.S. Navy's Seventh Fleet couldn't produce enough seaman to satisfy the current demand. (dennisilvr@aol.com; cdmauger@aol.com)

If they ever synthesize sperm, the male species is doomed. (bjjtoff@tds.net; dennisilvr@aol.com) If they ever synthesize orgasms, we'll be TOTALLY screwed. Not.

It is worth noting, however, that these women still enjoy being spanked regularly and called "dirty girl." (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com)

The medical community, in an attempt to allieviate the shortage, has created freeze-dried sperm for over-the-counter use. Requiring only water and a turkeybaster, all that remains is to name the product; unfortunately, "sea Monkeys" was already taken (imwednesdayaddams@yahoo.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Geez, I hope this doesn't get out. I had a vasectomy after my first wife and my second wife has insisted on 4-5 times a week to maximize the likelihood of conception. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) Nah, this is just the Internet. Nobody will see!

Some men are wary of making sperm donations because of confidentiality...the banks just have too many tellers (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

When my woman can't free up 6-8 minutes a week to try and conceive, it's time for a new woman. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com; tpanner@hotmail.com, other entries so quick I barely had a chance to read 'em)

And Pee Wee Herman becomes a Belgian national hero. (cdmauger@aol.com) Get another two wankers, and you'll have The Three Spooges!

Wow Oh Wow!! I just opened my new Givuhsperm Collection Center. I assure you all, you won't be jerked off. Let nature take it's course. Highest payment for Cool Bods with lots of muscles. IQ?? Not questioned. But no GEEKS need to apply. Our motto, "DO YOUR TURN AND SPURN WITH YOUR SPERM!!!" (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

There is a very good reason why this isn't happening in America. Mattel. Take a good look at the Barbie game on the "RA Prize Page" and you will immediately see why. Yeah, right, that's her knee. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com) It doesn't come with the batteries, though.

By the way.... a very special thanks to everyone for NOT sending a single "Brokeback Mountain" joke in. Every line possible referencing that movie has been pulled much too hard and milked to death already.

Do you remember what you told the kids at dinner?... Well, there are also women starving in other countries... (mitchwatts@yahoo.com) Forget it. Sally Struthers will just eat all THESE "supplies", too.

If this keeps up women better learn to pay for their own drinks at the bar, because we're not getting you drunk hoping to hear about your career. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com)

Maybe the men in France & Netherlands don't find it as entertaining to fuck a petri dish as the Belgians do. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Another: puzzled blondes, after 10 trips to the fertility clinic, found that they are not supposed to swallow it. (dorr@jam.rr.com) Do you come along and ruin EVERY good scam men have going?

France has really gone downhill since the Revolution. Sure, kill your tyrant king and rotting aristocracy to gain liberty, but your once-plenty rivers of sperm just aren't flowing like they used to. I blame Napoleon. And cell phones. (marieracewalks@hotmail.com)

Maximize the likelihood of conception? Lucky bastards. All I have to do is "think" about having sex and my wife gets pregnant. (tpanner@hotmail.com) And you BELIEVE that story from her? Any volunteers to explain reality to the PanMan here?

Sex to get pregnant? I thought it was to get jewelry and a new car. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Things were going fine," said one French official, who was quoted with the promise of anonymity... "Until the boxes of flu vaccine got mixed up with the boxes from the sperm bank. Now we have a flu epidemic in the lesbian community and a bunch of pregnant women in the old folks home... we are having to answer a lot of embarrassing questions" (agapeagent@yahoo.com)

Honorable Mention - Well, nobody told them to SAVE it after "drilling":

That can't be right. The whores in Amsterdam pump out more barrels of sperm per day than OPEC. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Runner-Up - Finally, some sense made out of this cock-eyed situation:

In a rare joint statement of the major world religions including Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism it was universally offered as proof of existense of God that both France and the Netherlands had a severe shortage of sperm. (edprocoat@msn.com)

And the Winner - You're getting ejaculated from the gene pool, you turncoat!:

And they've adopted a new motto for Belgium.."Spare the rod, and still have a child". (Airfarcewon@aol.com)