News That's Unfair & Off-Balance
(updated 2 Oct 07)
Hosted by Bucko
(I'm Fonda this headline by email@example.com)
HAMAMATSU, JAPAN (Mainichi Shimbun) -- A motorcyclist failed to notice that his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, & rode on for over a mile. He failed to negotiate a curve & sideswiped the barrier. He felt excruciating pain, but didn't notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction. The limb was totally crushed, & could not be re-attached.
(Story Honda-ed to me by firstname.lastname@example.org)
In the time it has taken to update this contest, the man has been fitted with a custom designed prosthetic leg, is fully rehabilitated, and is now married with a child on the way. (email@example.com) OK, OK! Is it my fault that some Welsh director is trying to kill me?
Well, at least he kept his seat or he would have had to leg it. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Even worse, the surgery to replace his leg with a robotic limb cost him an arm and his other leg. (email@example.com)
In addition to the pain, the cyclist realized something was amiss when he failed to open his kickstand after 300 attempts. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Gerg, Gerg.... the kickstand is on the LEFT side. This explains those SAT scores....
It took him until the next junction to stop because it was his brake leg that was missing. (email@example.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
When the people in the car next to him honked their horn and pointed, trying desperately to get his attention. He looked down, saw his fly was unzipped, thanked them with a kindly gesture and was on his way. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
This story just sounds like a lotta' "belowknee" to me. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Bailiff? Whack his geshtunga for that one!
Ha! Some safety barrier! It took off his leg! How safe is that? (email@example.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com, others who railed)
Doctors later discovered the motorcyclist had previously lost his mind. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Being a Zen Buddhist, the man asked his doctors hack off the other leg just to balance things out. (email@example.com) Could be worse.... at least he still has his "middle leg".
Being a diehard optimist, the biker proudly told friends and family he had lost thirty pounds. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Tibia or Not Tibia, A Tragedy In Parts (GerriHan65@aol.com)
When asked how he was doing without his leg, Mr. Yamamoto simply replied,"I harley miss it at all". (email@example.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com)
Fortunately, the sidecar with his wife in it had fallen off a mile before he hit the barrier. (firstname.lastname@example.org) Her name? Ruth. And yes, he rode on ruthlessly.
When he learned of his condition, the dedicated motorcyclist was heard to say, "If my pipes are scratched I'm gonna be pissed!" (email@example.com)
It wasn't big deal until he noticed his i-Phone was gone. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
That figures. If you own a motorcycle for more than 2 years and you're not yet dead or seriously injured, it's almost like winning the lottery. (email@example.com) Yama ha-ha-ha.
Years later, the same hapless biker had a tragic encounter with a low overhang; but if you tell him he's lost his head, he'll just think you're pulling his leg. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The remains were made into a limb-berger sandwich and fed to the lions at a local zoo. (email@example.com) Yeah, wait'll you see the next cheesy story....
Luckily, his job as a scare-flamingo at a local tea garden will not be in jeopardy. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Co-Bronze Bullshitzer Prize - And they say that size doesn't matter:
You'd think someone would notice if they suddenly got a foot shorter. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)
At least his height won't stop him from being a stunt double for Tom Cruise. (email@example.com)
The Silver Shytekicker - But he Triumphed when they Honda-ed it to him:
Let's see, I failed to negotiate a curve, sideswiped a barrier, felt excruciating pain...sounds like any other day in line for that last chocolate donut... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
And our Golden Gunkchunker - The body IS a temple, after all:
He now knows the difference between Shinto and shin-toe. (email@example.com)