News That's Unfair & Off-Balance

(updated 5 Jan 07)

Hosted by Bucko

Some Toys are for Childerens, & Others are for Adultery
(Headline spanked in by DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

THE BIG APPLE (Daily News) -- 'Tis the season for inappropriate & offensive toys, say some parents groups. For example: "Happy Bathroom" is a tub holding a naked blonde woman & a fat, bald man joined at their middles & gyrating to music. "You'd be horrified if you're a parent & saw a couple copulating in a bathtub," said Alison Marek. Then there's a toy NYPD toy car with the steering wheel on the wrong side.... along with many bizarre others.
(Story via your perverted AuntShecky711@aol.com)

I agree..that music's gotta go. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

They say condoms aren't toys, either, but have you ever filled one with water & tossed it off a roof? Now THERE'S some fun! (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Boo! on those prissy Victorians! What else would they expect to find in the Big Apple, but a Big Worm? (Airfarcewon@aol.com) Apparently, they've never been to the Village.

As for that NYPD car, not only is the steering wheel on the wrong side, but the headlights are in the back and the tail-lights in the front and...oh wait,uh.....never mind. (skibip@aol.com)

Even worse... there's a can of soda... without soda! (timamod@aol.com) That ain't how I crush mine for recycling!

Yet they rejected my idea for "Rescue & Mountie Barbie," featuring a real table saw to save her from. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Hell. who do you think posed for the bald fat man? Merry Christmas! The music playing was "I'll Be Home For Christmas butt I just didn't make it." (NITRAMXXX@aol.com; jaberwock@yahooy.com)

You know, after the WonderJock, Britney, orgasms for peace, spray-on condoms and now the Happy Bathroom, I'm seriously considering therapy. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com) Your problem is that awful streak of "normality". Man, that creeps me out!

Now in toy stores everywhere: The Pregnant Barbie with Ken, GI Joe and paternity test doll set. (maxcel200@aol.com)

How lame! Wait'll they see my S&M Mistress Barbie, with Ken the Slave and Bi-curious Skipper. (ReineDeDouleur@yahoo.com)

Oh, so THAT'S why the Ben-Wa balls were on the shelf next to the yo-yos. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

Damn, think how many years I wasted enjoying a rubber ducky in my tub. (skibip@aol.com) This just in: The duck is pregnant.

Toys R Us has decided to pull Shtupple Me Elmo off their shelves. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Even more offensive is the "Happy Public Bathroom" which comes with a bald man and George Michael action figures. (shep@compascable.net)

Yes, stop it! These companies are giving my kid willies! (maxcel200@aol.com) And this upsets her?

Bizarre, as in HMO prizes? (guitartexn@aol.com)

Sounds like Canadian nurse Sue Johanson is striking up a deal with Toys 'R Us. (luganrn77@yahoo.com) At last, we'll find out why they call Canadians "hosers".

Yeah? Do you hear ME complaining about the tasteful items in the adult toy shop? No! (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)

"And I even heard a rumor," says Marek, "that the TMX Elmo says 'Was it good for you, baby?' after he finishes his gyrating moan-fest." (mr_sandmanx@hotmail.com)

oh...you mean you can get a "boy toy" at the actual toy store now? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) You've got one; don't get greedy on us, Red.

Of course the toy NYPD car had the steering wheel on the "wrong" side....It was made for Toyotas R Us. (vinyllover45@yahoo.com)

Could be worse. At least the guy in the tub wasn't modeled after YOUR mother (you heard me right). (strontium901@juno.com) DAMMIT!! THE VISUALS!!! So much for sleep....

Lucky thing they're concerned about sex-related toys. Otherwise, they'd be concerned about the violent ones. (tphyll@aol.com; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

At my age, a "Happy Bathroom" is one where my flow is strong enough to not dribble on the floor. (muck55@aol.com)

I received 100 origami prizes from HMO and they all fold into the shape of a penis...wait, maybe it's just me. (maxcel200@aol.com)

The Peevedbody Award – Take it from someone who, unfortunately, knows:

Well, that bathtub toy is certainly inappropriate. It gives fat, bald men completely unrealistic expectations of what they can accomplish. (changetion@gmail.com)

The Bullspitzer Prize – How does he keep wearing them out so fast?:

No "Black Jewish Barefoot and Pregnant Triple D cup Dwarf" Barbies this year? What a disappointment. (topsquark@yahoo.com)

And the IgNobel Prize Winner - FINALLY, a serious parent with some moral fiber:

No child of mine is going to play with a toy car that has steering wheel on the wrong side! It leads to British accents and bad teeth. (shep@compascable.net)