(updated 8 Feb 06)

Hosted by Bucko

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'
(Header punched in by tphyll@aol.com, old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com, & other SANE people)

HOLLYWOOD, CA (MTV) -- Bad year for Tom Cruise: He's been nominated for three Razzies: "Worst Actor" (War of the Worlds), & twice for "Most Tiresome Tabloid Target". Beau Katie Holmes is in, too: "Worst Supporting Actress" (Batman Begins). In the IMDb Worst of 2005 nominations: War of the Worlds (Worst Picture), Tom for Worst Actor, Katie for Worst Actress, and even Steven Spielberg was nominated for Worst Director for War of the Worlds, proving that Cruise can ruin the best.
(Topic panned by strontium901@juno.com)

Man, this one's so easy it's hard! (tpanner@hotmail.com) Bwa ha ha! Another "Bucko messes with your mind!" ploy! Unfortunately, it didn't work on everyone:

*YAWN* (paracletus3@earthlink.net)

Well, they can't ALL be gems....

He's not a couch potato..He's couch popcorn! (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

And who says the critics are never right? (jaberwock@yahooy.com)

If Cruise jumped at the chance to go back on Oprah...he'd probably miss the sofa. (maxcel200@aol.com) Oprah's MAD at him, and will Frey him up good!

Me thinks Tom Cruise needs to drop anchor for a while. And swab the decks. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com)

In Germany he was also named "Wurst Actor" but it is difficult to determine whether this is a knock or a tribute. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com; maxcel200@aol.com)

Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman tried to warn us. Why didn't we listen sooner? (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com; Skibip@aol.com)

Looks like Katie's doing to Cruise as kryptonite did to Superman. (maxcel200@aol.com) Bogus! Kryptonite could KILL Superman, and I don't find Katie all that radiant.

And since their kid is sure to be a brat, guess we'll just call him "Brat Worst." (rsherman@netplexgroup.com)

Note to my son's Bar Mitvah movie photographer: we've removed Tom Cruise from the guest list. (maxcel200@aol.com)

Yes, the toxic brew of Spielberg and Cruise strikes again. (tpanner@hotmail.com) Odd fact: Spielberg IS the Bar Mitzvah movie photographer.

They should create some new categories for Tom: Worst thrusting index finger in anger actor, Worst shoving stuff off a desk or table in anger actor, and, maybe, Worst chucking food against a wall in anger actor. (tpanner@hotmail.com)

I think he's got his brains wide shut. (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Even Penelope was mouthing off about Cruise. She did have much better words for Odysseus. (maxcel200@aol.com) In "The Odyssey", he had to endure 10 hard years of obstacles to get back home, so let's send Tom!

Other media sources are scouring the nation to find somebody that cares. (stigg@cs.com)

Yeah, I got thrown out at War of the Worlds, 'cause I kept standing up rooting for the aliens to kill him (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

Don't forget about Oprah...he goes on her show ONCE and she gets duped by some writer. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com) PROOF that watching him do ANYTHING causes brain damage! See, Tom, you don't know the history of Neurology. I do!

So, how do you expect him to act, when he can't even act his age? (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

I think they should give Tom Cruise an Oscar...the one from Sesame Street (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Nonetheless, somehow he has been nominated for two Grammy awards. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net) Yeah.... first it was rap, and NOW....

I hear Katie gave him a trampoline for Christmas...it saves wear and tear on their couch (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

On the plus side, he's managed to so totally insulate Katie Holmes from the real world that she thinks he's John Kennedy, that it's 2246, and that John Travolta isn't fat. (scalpel@aol.com)

Hey Pan man, I know what your wife has tattooed on her butt. Guess how I know? (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) NITRAM is a California proctologist, and has made a fortune. Do you know what those people pull in? Why, "head removals" alone....

In spite of all that, Vegas odds are long that he'll die of embarassment. But we can still hope. (stigg@cs.com)

In a related story, H.G.Wells is believed to have not only rolled over in his grave but to have put the words 'Tom Who?' on his tombstone. (maxcel200@aol.com)

I hear Spielberg secretly encouraged Dakota Fanning to feel free to give Tom Cruise acting tips. (tpanner@hotmail.com) He said the same thing to a rock.

Mr. Cruise has recently started taking anti-depressants. It turns out he didn't know as much about psychiatry as he thought. (old.curmudgeon@hmoforum.com; Cantw82paint@Aol.com) That same rock? Knows more about acting AND psychiatry.

But wait there is more. Just wait until May when Mission Impossible III comes out. In real life his "mission impossible" is being a dad to a child; well, two of them if you count the age difference from him and Katie. (xarous@gmail.com)

Honorable Mention - ONE person in America thinks it's "Magnificent!":

That oughta cheer up Brooke Shields, at least. (mimsydivine@earthlink.net)

Runner-Up - For once, we hail them as "the good guys":

Cruise was so excited to be nominated for ANYTHING that he started jumping and down on the couch -- from which 3 paparazzi emerged, broken, bloodied, but unbowed. (AuntShecky711@aol.com)

And the Winner - Proving that even bad examples can be good:

It's comforting to know, when I'm having a bad day, that there's still no way I'm the dumbest woman in America. (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)