Would You...Could You...for a Goat?
(Header herded in by MedCheryl@aol.com)
NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) -- A Kenyan says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats & 20 cows for his 25-year-old daughter Chelsea's hand in marriage five years ago -- & vowed to remain single until he gets an answer. Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor, 36, wrote to the U.S president in 2000. He praised Clinton's leadership and commended his wife, Senator Hilary Rodham Clinton, for standing by her husband "like an African woman" in the face of the Lewinsky scandal. But he said the letter prompted security checks -- on him, his family and his classmates, and he was summoned to the Foreign Ministry in Nairobi for a meeting. And he's still waiting.
(Topic bartered for his children by Kamasushi@gmail.com)
(Bucko's Helping Hints: I swear, I don't play favorites! The people you see who regularly get their entries/stories posted have one thing in common: THEY SEND LOTS OF ENTRIES/IDEAS! So don't hold back, gang!) (Cad's snide comment: Not that it really matters, as Bucko apparently picks EVERY SINGLE ENTRY anyway. ;) )
You know.... this round has made me realize how much I missed Clinton-bashing. They make it SO easy!
My mistake...I thought Hilary WAS the man. (DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) Aaaaand, the first bitch-slap is thrown!
He claims to have already sent Monica Lewinski as a down payment. (firstname.lastname@example.org; MedCheryl@aol.com, other cattle drivers)
Hilary like an African woman? Sooo, I didn't know African men were all pussy-whipped, too. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)
Bill is waiting for a better offer, but it's been five years and those 40 goats and 20 cows may be the best offer he is going to get...my advice, Billy, take it while you can!! (email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org, other street dealers)
Our two trivia buffs and music aficianados:
Joni Mitchell and Fairport Convention could not be reached for comment. (email@example.com)
Bill asked, "When are you going to give an answer, Chelsea?" "In the morning," she answered. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
Bill was so touched by the offer that he agreed to accept...on the condition that the addition of Hilary would regarded as ample compensation for the cows. (HerzogVon@aol.com) Yeah, he's "touched", alright....
A couple of cutting remarks:
There has been no response from The Clinton as to if or when the hand will be sent. In the meantime, the Kenyan suitor will be using his own... (firstname.lastname@example.org)
So far, Chelsea's being a selfish bitch and won't cut her hand off to seal the deal. (GrigsbyOK@hotmail.com)
Clinton has finally had the chance to review the offer, and has been quoted as saying, "Chelsea's marriage is something that only she will decide, though I will admit 40 goats & 20 cows for just 1 horse is a great deal." (email@example.com; DYCROUT@yahoo.com, many other animal-slanderers)
"A Kenyan says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats & 20 cows for his 25-year-old daughter Chelsea's hand in marriage five years ago..." You have just read a summary of the pilot episode for Nairobi TV's hottest new reality show, "Kenya Top This?" (HerzogVon@aol.com) Nooooooo!
Chepkurgor has said he is growing impatient and will only give Clinton one more year to answer his letter. After that he will make a similiar proposal to Ozzy Osbourne for his daughter Kelly's hand in marriage, but will not be offering as many cows because, "the bitch just ain't as hot as Chelsea." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Said Clinton, "I would never trade my daughter for 40 goats and 20 cows. Now, a cheap fat whore with a fetish for cigars, well that would be another story." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
Hasn't he already had a cow? (I'm so rebarrassed. that was mean...but I couldn't resist.) (DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com) Daph said something bitch-y! ;)
Little did he mention the goats were all of his current wives and the 20 cows all had mad cow disease. (email@example.com)
The guy's a doofus. He offered only MALE goats and bovines. Had they been FEMALE, he'd already be visiting the honeymoon suite at Niagara Falls! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Bill's not considering it. He can do better back in Arkansas. (email@example.com) Not really. Chelsea doesn't have a brother and none of the cousins have spoken up.
He could sleep with the Bush daughters for dinner, a movie, and a case of Bud Light and he wants Chelsea? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
At the Foreign Ministry office he was rebuffed by Clinton who stated "40 goats and 20 cows? Man, have you seen my wife? What the hell am I gonna do with more goats and cows?" (Eleman8859@aol.com; email@example.com, a few other Clinton inside-hers)
Clinton responded by saying that Chelsea was off limits, but that Hilary could be had for a couple of cheeseburgers and a lawn mower. (firstname.lastname@example.org) A lawn mower? Man, Bill will have sex with ANYTHING!
Soon to become the "white daughter scandal." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com)
Mr. Clinton however soon made a counter offer of 40 goats and 40 cows if he would instead accept Hilary's hand in marriage. (Penguann2@aol.com; JOSQUARD@aol.com, other flesh-peddlers)
Reports are that Clinton is holding out for a few female sheep (email@example.com) "I'll see your animal husbandry and raise ewe!"
While the former President seemed interested in the goats, he stated flatly, "No more cows. The last one nearly got me impeached." (Truckerex@insightbb.com)
Mr. Chepkurgor has recently offered Mr. and Mrs. Lewinsky 80 goats and 40 cows for Monica's hand in marriage. He reasoned that Monica would be more fun than Chelsea. (WJKbase@aol.com)
What? Hilary's black? I knew she was hiding something, besides Janet Reno under her desk. (firstname.lastname@example.org) And Reno said she wouldn't work for a Bush administration....
Chepkurgor in this offering also promised the Clintons to love, honor and cherish her forever.. while at the same time, was requesting some Scotchguard, Cuban cigars and quality American boxer shorts. (RWich928@aol.com)
In a candid interview, Former President Clinton admitted that his wife seemed keen on the offer until the mention of cows. At this point she allegedly produced a ball-peen hammer from from her purse and proceeded to smash every Humidor in the house... When asked to confirm these allegations, Mrs. Clinton was unfortunately unavailable for comment. (email@example.com)
Co-Honorable Mention - Into, er- OUT of the mouths of babes:
"In the face of the Lewinsky scandal"? Maybe they should have phrased that differently. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; firstname.lastname@example.org)
Runner-Up - For meritorious use of the completely nonsensical:
Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor...his name is my name tooooo...whenever we go out...the people always shout...Godwin something something something. (email@example.com)
The Winner - Well, she wasn't having any luck on eBay:
Sources say Laura Bush has been in contact with Chepkurgor to try to give away an ass. (firstname.lastname@example.org)