(updated 10 Jan 05)
Hosted by Bucko
Well, Slyph is going to take over at the "Rotating Contest" slot...the one that Dot.Comedy is in right now...and Bucko is going to keep his job here at NYCM...just because we like to torment you. See? Again...we aim to please here at HMO. It's true...we just didn't say WHO we aim to please. ;)
"Wallaby darned! It's a Kangaroo, Mabel!"
(Header swiped from TvOrNotTv1@aol.com. You know what? I don't feel guilty at all)
DODGEVILLE, WISCONSIN (AP) -- A kangaroo that went on a walkabout in frigid Wisconsin was captured Wednesday. But where the marsupial came from remained a complete mystery. Sheriff Steve Michek said some people who spotted the kangaroo were hesitant to report it "because they didn't want to be made a fool of."
(Topic suggested by Ellenrunz@yahoo.com)
This Round's Ritual Abuse:
I'm just forwarding my weekly submission to be ignored. Thank you. (firstname.lastname@example.org) We do NOT ignore them! We print them, urinate on them, sprinkle them with crack, and light them on fire hoping to attract a Sasquatch! (Cad? Double the RAs for Raz for the nice e-mail exchange we had as a follow-up!) Uh...Bucko? Send me the email exchange so I can judge for myself...for all I know, I'm the running "Sasquatch" joke. Sheesh...give a guy a no-paying job and they just think they can walk all over you.
Come on over to the Forum and take my "Innocent or Evil?" test. Let's see how perverted, twisted and sick you REALLY are! Click here.
Maybe he was looking for IHOP (Airfarcewon@aol.com) AAAGH!
1,160 pink elephant references.... these two make it for their originality:
And others didn't report it because the mushrooms kept them from finding TWO sets of tracks, the other belonging to the pink elephant on stilts. (email@example.com)
Yeah, those witnesses are still smarting from when they reported their UFO abductions, pink elephants, the leprechaun invasion, and the toxic waste spill that turned out to be their own vomit. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You can't make this sh*t up. (email@example.com) Sure, I can. But the world is so stupid, I don't need to.
Whoops......looks like Homeland Security let another one get away. (WJKbase@aol.com)
An area resident was quoted saying "Well now, there goes the evening's entertainment and buffet at the Don Q Inn." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Did they check the pocket? Maybe there was a note there, from it's mother. (Airfarcewon@aol.com) No, it was from YOUR mother. Care to explain?
Made fun of? These cheeseheads eat bratwurst, drink beer and chew Skoal for breakfast! (email@example.com)
I tell ya...kangaroo spotting is right up there with Elvis sightings and UFO abductions...heaven forbid the tabloids get a hold of THIS type of story, the mockery carnage would never end! (WillSmithDMan@aol.com)
Said one resident, "I caught enough grief over my Sasquatch sighting at Burger King last year." (firstname.lastname@example.org; email@example.com) YESS! Someone who reads NYCM AND my crap on the Forum!
Their secret was safe; the kangaroo didn't report them, either. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The "Packers, Enter Here" Section:
NOOOOOO! Wisconsinites can't stand to look foolish. That's why they put cheese on their heads and crash their snowmobiles into cows while yelling "PACKERRRS!" (HerzogVon@aol.com) You know, this one sounded insane enough that I called my sister.... who lives in Wisconsin. Just to be sure. Actually, this is where they draw the line. How well-restrained and classy they are.
Of course, these same people were seen shirtless and covered in green & yellow body paint at Lambeau Field that afternoon for the Packers-Vikings game (email@example.com)
But being piss drunk and wearing a piece of rubber cheese on your head in 25 degree below weather is NOT considered making a fool of yourself in Wisconsin. (Eleman8859@aol.com)
The "Yeah, I Watch Cartoons! Bite Me!" Section:
The "Looney Tunes" cartoonists are now trying to figure how to get Sylvester in a boxing match with him. (firstname.lastname@example.org; MindgameFiziks@hotmail.com) Been done. It was a draw.
Meanwhile, in totally unrelated news, Tigger, Pooh, and Piglet too are out on the search for Kanga and Roo! (email@example.com) But the next one is SO much meaner:
After a relentless interrogation of the Kangaroo, APB's were put out for: a tiny pig, a bitter old rabbit, a tiger that like to bounce on his butt, and a little fat bear armed with a pot of honey. (SPTirish@aol.com)
An animal specialist from Australia said that the joey was looking for a billabong where there could be bush tuckers but this news could be a furphy. (Go ahead look up those words). (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Some witnesses did, however, admit to the need to reach in its pouch in search of bratwurst...one stating "Hey big fella..you from Sheboygen?" (RWich928@aol.com) Uh, that's not a brat....
Roo me once, shame on you. Roo me twice, shame on me. (email@example.com)
Honorable Mention for Nearly Infinite Improbability:
Officials believe the kangaroo may have been planted by Paul Hogan in an effort to resurrect his career. (Eleman8859@aol.com) GOD might have trouble doing that.
The Runner-Up.... Proving that He Can Write a "Marathon" Entry:
Later identified as "Skippy the BUSH Kangaroo", the animal had been brought to Wisconsin in October by members of the RNC in an attempt to garner support for the incumbent president. The people of Wisconsin gave their electoral votes to Kerry, however, "because they did not want to be made a fool of." (firstname.lastname@example.org)
And the Winner.... the bad news is, it's just a BABY:
The joke turned out to be on the sheriff, when it was later found out it was not a Kangaroo, but in fact, just a NYC Sewer Rat that was on vacation. (SPTirish@aol.com)