(updated 10 May 03)

Hosted by Jankath

LITTLE BOOK OF MISSED FORTUNES
(Title borrowed from QuarterHorse06@aol.com)

WASHINGTON DC -- Bill Bennett, former Secretary of Education and author of "The Book of Virtues," has announced he is giving up gambling, amid reports that he has lost $8 million playing slot machines.

Don't bet on it. (seeker@vcoms.net)

Rationalizing it as the virtue of donating to schools, he bought $12 million in lottery tickets instead. (Pootybrew@earthlink.net)

To fill in the spare time, Mr. Bennett will be joining Bill Clinton and Gary Hart in an 80-city tour being billed as the "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO TOUR," with Jimmy Swaggert tapped to be the opening act. (rem7202@aol.com)

"I didn't call it 'The Book of MY Virtues,' did I?" (seeker@vcoms.net)

Board of Education? Slot machines? Didn't he take statistics??? (mattcstone@mail.com)

Bennett plans to write a sequel, titled "The Sportsbook of Virtues." (TvOrNotTv1@aol.com)

Republican scandals involve money and they always get caught. Democrat scandals all involve sex and they get away with it. Sets my voting pattern from now on. (seeker@vcoms.net)

He immediately received an invitation from Dr. Laura and Newt Gingrich to room with them in their giant glass house. (jaynashvil@aol.com)

Seems Mr. Bennett had a case of "virtual reality." (ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

Hey, $8 million in slots takes a long time. Patience is a virtue... (WillyTheTunaFish@aol.com)

According to today's winner, comedian2000@hotmail.com, when it comes to virtues, you can't beat careful proofreading:

Don't you mean Bill Bennett, the Bookie of Virtues? (comedian2000@hotmail.com)