(updated 15 Nov 05)

Hosted by Bucko

Another Massive Security Leak!
(Taking the Plame for the header: ParisIuvsMe@aol.com)

BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (Reuters) -- The massive security force deployed for an Americas-wide presidential summit this week suffered a nasty glitch: food poisoning. At least 70 federal officers guarding the resort hotel where President Bush and other heads of state will meet were overcome by diarrhea and vomiting after dining on lasagna at a nearby hotel... the day before the dignitaries were to meet.
(Topic hwarved in by Kamasushi@gmail.com)

Didja know: "News You Can Muse" is a trademark owned by "Out On a Lim" Host Jankath!

If she ever finds me, she's going to kill me.

So much for the notion that only tourists get the touristas. (skibip@aol.com)

Looks like someone tried some biological warfare on the asses guarding the asses. (Cantw82paint@Aol.com)

Doesn't everyone expecting a visit from President Bush suffer from diarrhea and vomiting? (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; stan@squidworks.com & others "unplugged") Hey, can 300 million of us be wrong?

According to one of the agents recovering in the hospital,"Well, I should've known that Argentinian lasagna is the culinary equivalent of Saharan sushi." (AuntShecky711@aol.com; Airfarcewon@aol.com and other BAM! chefs)

Critics of the summit will be happy to know that there will be at least 70 people attending who are not completely full of crap. (manpretty@gmail.com; edprocoat@msn.com, other cocked optimists)

I knew my ex had gotten a job as a chef...I just didn't know WHERE, until now! (paracletus3@earthlink.net) Boy, she REALLY went south on you, didn't she?

Claiming to have evidence of Weapons of Mass Diarrhea, Bush ordered the hotel bombed and invaded. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; HerzogVon@aol.com)

The possibility of foul play was looked into, but investigators could not find any "solid evidence." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) But did they REALLY get to the bottom of it?

Close Bush advisor Paul Wolfitdownowicz has ordered a pre-emptive strike against Argentina, as well as one on Italy, "To go". (HerzogVon@aol.com; ldolphin34@hotmail.com)

BWAAAAHAAHAA!!! My plan worked...except I missed Bush...I got his dad last time. (nstn@statefarm.com; paracletus3@earthlink.net, other geisha-ers) Guys, if you're missing the Bush.... well, that's pretty damn pathetic.

Al-Quedda admitted to "limited success" on this attack. They were supposed to suffer the vomiting and diarrhea on THE DAY the dignitaries were to meet. (pooks@yahoo.com; shaefitz1@netscape.net & others with Cad timing)

What was really served was lahshanyah, a quick laxative. Something lost in the translation moved a lot of people. (NITRAMXXX@aol.com) I went to school with a girl named Lahshanyah. I wanted to ask her out, but she always ran.

At least all the American security forces were illness-free after all eating on the government's dime; they always order steak, not lasagna. (pooks@yahoo.com)

I don't believe that. The idea of protecting all those fools with my life would make ME sick, too. (wedrixe@netscape.net; DaphnetheRed@yahoo.com)

When he observed one officer vomiting and crapping himself, Bush commented "Boy, that takes me back." (NonComposMentiss@aol.com; DLivermore2002@yahoo.com) Don't ya wish SOMEONE would take him back? ;)

Since the officers took the blow...and got diarrhea the day before Bush arrived...You might say they were running...for president (Airfarcewon@aol.com)

Further investigation failed to determine if the illness was caused by the food or Bush's tie. (bjjtoff@tds.net)

I haven't heard of this many people spewing crap since the 2004 Republican Convention. (NonComposMentiss@aol.com) What, you missed the Dems'? Knee-deep crap, yet it bored you right to sleep....

Honorable Mention - Some "insider" information that came flying out:

Bush says that he suspects this is the work of Terror-Agents Mario and Luigi, who resent the Presidents attempts to end the rule of Princess Toadstool and bring democracy to Magical Video-Game Land. (thedraugr@yahoo.com)

Runs-er-Up - Man, these guys really caused a Fuhrer:

Unfortunately, the 20 or so Hitler clones hired for cooks didn't know schiesse about cooking. (deweywins@yahoo.com)

The Winner - And providing possibly the worst "visual" ever:

There were also unconfirmed reports of pictures of a naked Dick Cheney being passed around during the meal. (jbray4@adelphia.net)